Rachel Klyne RuiQi

impossible ,

2010-08-28T13:07:00.010+08:00

steamboat @ liang seah street , bugis .

@ bugis junction

Well , as usual , haven't been updating my blog much .
I promise t post more frm today onwards .
Perhaps one post in a week ? Have been really lazy !
Fr th past week , I've been sleeping real early ! Smth's wrong ..

Well , ytd had an outing w Chanel , Powell , Jenson , Ahboon , Dongwei
@ bugis . Headed fr steamboat @ liang seah street .
Spent abt 1 1/2 h having our steamboat . Ate til our tummy showed .
Walked arnd bugis junction nd th guys were playing w th lil fountain outside .
Aft so , went t get my durian strudel , nd cabbed back t tamp .
Enjoyed my day ytd !

Will be having CIP tmrw .
Excited as darling nd i have planned things <:
It'll be a long day under th sun tmrw .
Hope we'll enjoy our day tmrw .

Will be visiting pri sch tgt w willard on tuesday !

Chalet on 5sept t 8sept .

Qinaide nd darling !
When are we gg out agn ?
It's been long since I've gone on an outing w you guys .
Miss you ! Miss you .

Shall end off here . Will update agn soon .

Th past has passed , whad matters now is th present nd th future .

2010-08-10T02:35:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna update my lil ranting outlet , as it's alrd dying .
No pictures would be uploaded in this post .
Sorry readers fr neglecting my blogg . It's been long since I've last updated .
Within this 1 month since I didn't update , many things happened .
I've learnt alot , lost alot , gained alot too . Life's full of unpredicted things .
I learnt t treasure people arnd me . Esp , family nd my closed ones ..
Been busy recently , most of th time's sch nd work . Life's hectic now !
I love keeping myself busy , bud I'm having lesser time w my qinaide nd darling ! (L)
Promise will find mre time alrights ? <:
Anw , finally had a working shift w my qinaide on Saturday .
Enjoyed th day man ! Really wish we'd have mre shifts tgt .
All th talkings , all th taking turns in doing food nd drinks , all th h2h ,
all th huhu-ing tgt . I just love t work w her ! It's just so much better ! <:
I'm missing my darling alot ! She went fr camp fr a week nd suffered alot thr :(
Then , it's th weekends nd sch holidays , only can see her on wed .
Looking forward ! Darling , glad you were strong nd things are better fr you .

I'm still thinking if I shld use my own money t sign up fr a dance course .
If I do , my time would be mre tight , nd I may neglect many things .
Sigh , I need suggestions !

Will be studying bfr exams @ th airport w my qinaide nd jescinda .
Would be studying @ 400 plus too w dongwei nd tianzhu .

To those who feel tht you can't move on in life ,
you can . I used t feel I can't even take a step forward in life .
Bud now , I feel tht I was so silly t think tht way .
In life , thr're bound t have losses , tht's when we learn t climb up
nd be a stronger person . Dhun cling onto smth tht have alrd moved on .
Yes , I really am silly t believe tht you'd return by my side .
I've always held on t yr word , waiting . Bud until th day @ th park connector ,
tht's when I told myself I'm gg t give up . I woke up frm everything .
You've moved on nd it's time fr me t move on too . I know you meant me well by
always asking me t ask me study nd treasure my family . I will , dhun worry .
Thanks fr all th patience you've been giving aft th breakup .
Thanks fr letting me realise whad life is , nd last long , I'm moving on too .
I'll still treat you like my goodfr .

* you'll nvr realise whad I went through fr you .

Daddy , Mummy , I love you <3

2010-07-11T15:50:00.003+08:00

Only one pic fr today , haven't been taking alot of pic recently . I look so weird w/o make up ! Well , just doing a short post . Days passed as per normal . Worked frm Thurs til Sat , bud smth bad happened on Friday . Sigh . My two dearies were feeling down too . Th next day , it was me who's feeling down due t some things .

Qinaide , I know you're being this way bcoz you care fr me . Thanks my dear . Just let it be bahr . Thanks fr being by my side . Hope things would go well fr you .

Darling , I'm so sorry I pangseh-ed you during CIP nd went fr work ! :( Rmb I always love you !

Empty promises ,

2010-07-05T20:01:00.002+08:00

I know it's been a long time since I've updated . Thousand apologies . Have been busy w work nd school recently . Nd I fell sick this week ! Sch finally reopened nd I was only looking forward t it coz of my darling !

Skipped sch on Mon nd was down w slight fever . Tues , went t consult a doctor nd went t work despite th high fever . Wed , returned t sch , still having fever bud I had my darling t look aft me . Nd isit so shocking fr me t return t sch ? Why is so many ppl shocked t see me back ? Aft tht slacked arnd w qinaide nd th rest nd my my temp went up t 40+ degrees . Thanks t those who have looked aft me . Headed hme nd was hell , I totally nvr felt tht weak bfr , probably coz I've nvr been so ill . Managed t put myself t sleep at 4am nd had a good rest til th next aftnoon . Fri , had sch followed by work . Sat , had breakfast w mum . Sun , work .

I've earned $96 in just last week . Super happy ! I just love my tight schedule tht I'm having right now <: So not like how I used t be . Decided not t neglect my studies anymre nd my colleagues are mostly studying th same subjects as me ! <: Looking forward t tmrw's sauna . Finally time t relax !

I'm letting go of you coz you're much better w/o me ,

2010-06-21T10:50:00.007+08:00

Pictures taken w qinaide last week at teoheng .

Pictures taken ytd w stepsist nd cousin

Finally uploaded all pictures ! Not gna elaborate much on whad I've been doing . Off t get ready t go out . Will post agn soon !

I'm sorry .

2010-06-15T21:56:00.003+08:00

I know you do visit my blog . nd I'm here t tell you tht I'm terribly sorry . I know you're trying bud I'm really sorry . I dhun wna hurt you . As I said nd as you can tell , I can't let go of my past . Thanks fr th cake you left outside my place today . I'm not worth you being so good t . I'm sorry I hurt you . I appreciate all you've done , bud I really dhun knw hw I put down th past . No one would understand .

Ain't worth my love bud worth my life .

2010-06-15T03:32:00.003+08:00

I wna faster get back t work nd occupy myself w everything . I hate thinking bout things tht's happening . I wna numb myself . Having counselling tmrw at 10 . It's 3.36am right now , nd I still can't get t bed . I usually have a dedication t him at th end of every post , bud today's special . All my feelings are written in my private blog once agn . Will update pictures at teoheng last week w my qinaide soon !

Are th tears worth ?

2010-06-14T00:29:00.002+08:00

No one would ever understand how much it really hurts inside . Occupying my time works , bud at th end of th day , th hurt's still thr . Why can't I be like others ? Strong on both th outside nd inside ? 50th day ...

47th day ,

2010-06-11T10:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes , you'd make me feel tht you're still here , nd I'm really glad , bud you'd just leave w/o a word each time . Aft 47 days w/o you , this's th first time I cried so hard frm missing yr presence , so hard til my hands shake . I guess it's really time t seriously let go of you nd move on . You're worth someone so much better than me , coz I've thought fr th whole night , I guess I cant make you happy at all . All th while , I guess it's only me who've been happy t have you by my side . I'll rmb everything you've done . I'll rmb how you changed from whad ppl claim you are nd whad you are nw . I'll rmb how you made me trust you . I'll rmb our special place nd I'll still go thr . I'll rmb yr favourite food . I'll rmb taking long bus rides w you . I'll rmb th first song you played . I'll rmb taking 3 hours t wake you up . I'll rmb how much you care fr me t scold me . I'll rmb how you made my birthday so special .I'll rmb sneaking out in th middle of th night just t see you . I'll rmb waking up beside you . I'll rmb tht time's nvr enough when I'm w you . I'll rmb seeing stars w you . I'll rmb how much we've been through t keep tht 8month r/s . I'll rmb th first nd last time I heard you cry . I'll rmb how you changed my impression of you , from thinking you're someone heartless bud deep inside , you're a nice guy , bud sadly , I didn't have enough time t understand you well . I'll rmb you left me fr a reason . Th only thing I'm gg t forget is th hurt left behind . Someone out thr can replace me in yr heart , bud I definately knw tht no one will ever replace yr place in my heart . You'll always be th one I really love . Thanks fr th love you've once given me . Thanks fr showing me whad's real love . Thanks fr guiding me t be a better person . If it's this tht you still worry , dhun worry , I won't turn bad . Even if th whole world looks down on me , I won't . I'm always here fr you . Just 8 digits away . You used yr life t tell me tht you're nt attached . Frankly speaking , idk whad t believe . You always say tht , bud th next day , I'll see things . Mayb I shld just believe tht you've alrd moved on . Iloveyou .

Letting go , moving on .

2010-06-07T23:46:00.003+08:00

Just gna do a short update , well , mostly will be dedicating posts t some friends <:

Short update bout today , nt elaborating much . Today's like any ordinary day . Went out , came back then went down agn fr a while . Okay , this's nt th main purpose of posting so I'll get straight t th point .

Evangelyn :
I've talked t you on th phone just nw . It's alright t shed tears coz I do too . I totally knw hw you feel . Rmb whad I said . It's nt easy I knw . If I can carry on w life aft losing my most impt someone , why can't you ? You have friends arnd you . Dhun give up . Dhun tell me I'm stronger than you . You're wrong . How weak was I when you first met me ? Crying like one fcuk . Bud didn't I manage t pull through nd think positively ? You've always been th cheerful one . I believe you can do it . Yeah , it's easier said than done . I knw , coz I've gone through nd going through th same . I believed I've told you many times bfr , love yrself mre than anything else bfr you can love others . So , please dhun do foolish things . You may think it's all worth it now . Bud aft time pass , you'll find it stupid . Will he bother ? Will tears make him come back ? Once he's letten go , he ain't worth yr love anymre . Coz if someone really loves you , they love you fr who you are , nd it's whether you wna change fr tht someone . He can't love you fr who he wants you t be . Pull through this part of life . You'll have t let go when th time comes , if nt , th hurt would get deeper nd deeper each time . Although we've drifted , bud I'm here fr you .

Jeremy :
Hmms , here t thank you fr yr post bout me <: Yeah , time passes by so fast , it's been 5 years since we've been so close . Thanks fr everything ! Will post bout you agn . Rmb , I'm always here when you need a listening ear <:

Guess it's time t let go ? Time passes by so fast , it's been 44 days since I've lived w/o you . Thought I couldn't pull through bud I did . It was hard , heartbreaking etc.. When I as in yr room , when you were sleeping , I was crying like an idiot . Memories all came back t me . I've told myself tht by yr birthday , I must let you go . If I dhun get you , it's just fate . I love you , yes , bud I doubt you'll be back . Tht would be th last gift I'll give , nd th last day I'll love you . You've been a great boyfr fr those 8months w you . Tht's all I can say . Being goodfr w you ain't a bad thing either .

I can live without loveee <:

2010-06-05T23:58:00.005+08:00

Back frm work <: Whad a tiring day ! Whole body's aching . Doing a short post . Thanks willard nd jeremy fr coming down nd look fr me ! <: Aft work , met up w friends , aft a while , left fr hme . Got t get my sleep as I'm still having work tmrw ! Hope it won't be as tiring . Was super hyper at work today , idk why . Thanks qinaide fr hyper-ing w me . Was laughing like a retard ! Hope I can be cheerful all th time .

If he misses you , he'll call just to hear your voice . If he wants you , he'll say it . If he cares , he'll show it . If he has a thought about you , it will come out of his mouth . If you are on his mind non-stop , he will do anything he can just to see you . If he truly likes you , he won't let anything get in the way and fight back just to keep you in his arms . If not , he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his .

Grabed this frm someone's blog <:

Isit really true ? Perhaps bahr . Loving someone doesn't mean you need his love back . You'll just be satisfied tht he's happy . When it's time is up t let go , you have t . Th longer love drags , th harder it'll be t let go . Somethings are easier said than done . When someone loves you , even if it's aft a few months or whad so ever , he'll come back t yr side . Nd I've decided t get a break frm r/s fr a period of time . Perhaps , t me he's th one , bud unfortunately t him , I'm not . Love can't be forced . Holding on doesn't mean he'll be mine agn .

Love ,

2010-06-01T23:04:00.010+08:00

Had a long day of work fr 3 days & finally it's my off day today ! <: This is th reason why I haven't updated fr sometime . Hmms , I shall first update overdue pictures taken w my dear darling , Glen nd Sharwin on sports day first . More pictures will be uploaded th next time .

Tuesday , 1 June 2010
Had counselling at Tamp Mall starbucks @ 10am , aft so , met up tgt w my qinaide nd we both headed fr work . Was rather hyper ! Jeremy came tgt w his friend . Thanks bro ! Ended work @ 9pm , qinaide nd I headed t drink ! Hope you feel better babe . Headed hme nd went out t meet someone aft so .

Wednesday , 2 June 2010
Worked frm 12 - 9 pm tgt w qinaide . During work , Jan stopped by nd suprised me nd qinaide ! <: Jeremy came along w brigette too ! Thanks dearies ! <: Aft work , pei-ed qinaide , jenson nd siqiang . Th couple left nd thanks siqiang fr th walk back hme ! <: Felt super tired as I didn't have much rest . Fell asleep while texting .

Thursday , 3 June 2010
As usual , worked frm 12 - 9 pm tgt w my qinaide ! Jan came t suprise us once agn . Soon , queenie came tgt w ben . Business wasn't tht good so was slacking most of th time . Idk why , was in a bad mood .

Friday , 4 June 2010
Off day . Lazy t elaborate , didn't do much . Dhun really have th mood either .

Qinaide , I'm glad I've known you too ! We just live blocks away nd whenever we need a h2h talk , we'll come out no matter whad th time is , nd we wouldn't go out til we've poured our hearts out . Dhun forget out prawn mee date @ beach road ! We have th same appetite man ! See you at work tmrw ! <:

I finally knw whad it means by seeing th person you love smile , you'd still be happy even if he's smile ain't fr you . I saw yr smile today , I guess I've nvr seen you smile fr me like this bfr . You were even smiling t yr phone . I could really give a real smile aft seeing you this happy . I guess during tht period of my life journey tht I lost you , I learnt t be strong nd overcome obstacles in life . Whad's meant t be letten go , will go some day . Thr wouldn't be a point holding onto smth tht would nvr happen . Thr's no such thing as miracles . Miracles are formed by you . Perhaps t others is nt , bud tht's whad I personally think . I can live w/o love . I believe in fate . Nd you once told me , our fate lies in our own hands . I dhun wna control my fate anymre . Ytd , I went back t th place we first went t on 16/12/2009 , nth could be found anymre , coz you ain't thr . We had good nd bad times thr , bud I guess good ones are those tht are meant t be kept . It's been 9 months since I've known you , I really appreciate you fr changing my life nd teaching me things along th way . You're a great guy , bud whad I pity , I guess we're nt meant . Tht's smth I've started t accept .

Th hurt inflicted ,

2010-05-30T22:35:00.004+08:00

Just came back frm meeting Thida . Cheer up dear ! Had dinner tgt w her nd had talks too . Smth kinda funny happened aft dinner .. Anw , sorry Dominic tht I'm lazyy t ton today ! Laughs . Currently chatting w Jeremy . Bro , hope you feel better aft th talk ! <: I think this is all I have t update fr now . Pictures will be posted agn in th next post . Off t drink my slimming tea ! :\

When I look you in th eye ,

2010-05-30T10:08:00.004+08:00

Each step I take upon trying , is a step towards giving up .
How much tears I shed shows how deep th hurt is getting each time .
Th more I love you , th faster I'll stop loving you .
My mind really wants t let you go , bud my heart keeps holding onto you .

You asked why do I still love you aft hw you changed in th way of treating me . I was totally lost fr words .. I dhun knw hw t answer . I've tried searching fr th answer , bud nth came out . Perhaps my feelings fr you was just too strong fr me t let you go just like tht . You knw too tht you replaced my everything , tht's hw much I love you . I could simply let others go easily , bud why can't I do th same t you ? At times I thought I've letten go of you , bud th fact is tht I've nt . You're always thr . I really dhun knw whad t do right nw . If I really change , I knw it wouldn't be a 100% tht you'll come back . Frankly speaking , all these while I've been trying t get love out when it comes t you , I really dhun wna be hurt agn . Th pain's really unbearable . I dhun wna be stuck in life . I wish I could move on in r/s , bud I have no idea hw t get you out . I'm trying . People say I'm able t find a better someone , bud sometimes I just think tht you're th one fr me , you're th best . Yeah , I knw you got th capability t get a better person nd I guess you have . Treasure it . Mayb I'm just nt yr someone . Yr touch made me feel so much , bud th fact was it was only fr tht moment . You're right , I still think nd love you tht's why I'd cry . You want me t think fr myself , I knw you mean me well , bud whenever I think fr myself , you'd always be included . Tell me , hw am I suppose t get you out ? I really wish tht I could never wake up . I have t face this myself , even if my decision is t continue loving you , you wouldn't knw tht I exsist anymre . I knw I'll stop tearing one day , bud idk when . Find someone who will treat you much better than me . Someone who would listen t you nd nt make you angry all th time . Seeing you smile , I'll be happy enough , even if tht smile's nt fr me . Perhaps fr th very last time , iloveyou . I knw thr may nvr be us agn . Someone asked me : why give up th whole forest fr just one tree ? I guess I've grown w this tree fr a long time nd th feelings w it is too strong , I would need mre time t give up on this tree than th whole forest . I lost faith in th word love . Now tht we're friends , I dhun even knw hw t talk t you . I'm sucha failure .

Just another fairy tale I'm believing in ,

2010-05-28T19:02:00.002+08:00

Just came back from bringing stepbro t th playground , gg t baby cousin's place . So nice t have babies arnd me . They really occupy my time (: Hmms , meeting Veronica tmrw morning at bugis fr my counselling session . Will post agn soon . Off t feed stepbro .

2010-05-24T18:13:00.002+08:00

Just gg t do a short update . Well , changed my blogskin , songs nd etc.. Tired of white blogskins alrd . Lol . Hmms , above's pictures frm teoheng nd swimming tht I've yet t post th other time .

Today's a totally boring day ! Finally returned t sch nd I had t see Mr Ong immediately -.- sibei kp siah he ! Suspend me fr a day just bcoz of a small matter ? Arghs ! Suspended fr today , had counselling w Veronica nd she's really a good counsellor ! Would be meeting her every Tuesday during th June holidays fr further sessions . She kinda woke me up frm my senses nd guess whad ? She made me stop crying :\ laughs . Anw , went hme immediately aft sch . Will be meeting Jan nd Thida tmrw ! (: Currently chatting w Jan on th phone , feel tht we have so many things in common ! See you guys tmrw !

I'm nt angry w you all , I'm just really disappointed .

Jan told me smth quite meaningful ! " When a guy cries fr a girl it shows tht he really loves you , when a girl cries fr a guy it shows tht she've given up "

I dhun wna believe in any other fairy tales , I believe tht if it's mine , it'll come back t me someday no matter whad . I won't cling onto anything anymre , I'll just have t accept it if it ain't coming back . Time really will prove everything , whether isit you I'm meant t be w .

2010-05-22T11:50:00.010+08:00

Lazyyy t update bout my whereabouts .

Been really moody fr th past 3 days . I'm sorry t those ppl tht I've showed attitude t . Sigh . Everything's making me all so lost agn .

You guys said you'd call , bud ite , you both didn't . It's alrights . Have much fun thr . I'm really loss of words . If you guys dhun need me , then tht's fine w me .

I felt warmth w you , bud I told myself tht I'll let nature take it's course . I'm afraid t have too much of confidence in myself alrd . Th mre I see you , th mre I miss you . Although I knw hw you feel too , bud I dhun wna believe it nw coz I dhun wna give myself hopes first . I know things you ask me t do are meant t do me well . I knw you dhun wna see me turning this way , I'll do smth bout it .

I'm afraid t face reality recently . Perhaps I just need time alone . Disappointed dad , I'm sorry . Mayb my apology is nth right nw , bud I do feel guilty fr everything I've done bud , I really dhun knw whad t do anymre .

2010-05-20T21:10:00.004+08:00

Nt gna update bout whad I've been doing recently .

---

It may seem like I'm completely over you , nd perhaps I may have tricked you into thinking so . Bud honestly , everytime I see or talk t you , I feel so confused . I miss you mre than you could imagine .
---

I'm really confused . Whad exactly is love ? Letting go doesn't mean you dhun love tht someone anymre . Was letting go a better path fr th both of us ? Are happier this way ? Yr touch is just so warm , it's like having tht feeling once agn , bud it was just fr tht few seconds . I can't regret any decision right nw . Sigh . Whad's done have been done . I can't bring time t when I want it t be . This's life , I have t accept it . I just hope you'll lead a better life ..

2010-05-16T21:19:00.003+08:00

Someone's right , I must think fr whad I need nd nt whad I want . Thanks alot fr th talk . Many thing's gg on . Cant get things right . Yeah , I cant help myself , hw t help her ? Idk whad I want , whad I need either . Have so many things t think abt nd I've decided nt t run away frm it anymre , I shld really think abt those things nd nt run away anymre . I will pick myself up nd start t work hard . Mayb I've totally failed this time , bud I won't anymre .

2010-05-15T21:24:00.003+08:00

It's th weekend , nd I'm back t revive my bloggg .

Wednesday , 12 May 2010
Aft paper , headed t Foo's place t change up , soon Queenie nd Evangelyn came . Our actual plan was t go teoheng , just th 4 of us . Bud planned was changed , tianchi was off , so he could come down , invited mre . So in th end , teoheng-ed fr 4 hours tgt w Foo , Evangelyn , Queenie , Tianchi , Royce , Gerald , Donovan , Eddy , NgaiShun & Terrance ( both only stayed fr a short while ) . Was superb hyper as we blast th music nd was shouting ! Felt kinda relaxed ! (: Aft tht headed t Miki t have our dinner . Royce nd Gerald left fr home as they had probation nd soon , Evangelyn had t leave as she has gp . Queenie left w her . Foo nd I watched Tianchi , Eddy nd Donovan played pool , aft a while , we left too .

Thurday , 13 May 2010
Met up w Evangelyn , aft everything , headed t her dad's place nd she slept nd I had things on my mind nd I tried t let it out , cried rather hard nd managed t stop . Queenie was feeling down so me nd Evangelyn went over t her place . Went t swim nd sauna ! We were damn hyper when in th sauna . Played clubbing music nd were jumping nd dancing arnd . I knw we're retarded . Bud was enjoying . Wna go thr agn asap ! Swam agn fr a short while nd headed hme w Evangelyn soon aft tht . Ordered mac back nd me nd Evangelyn were dancing nd blasting th music in my room .

Friday , 14 May 2010
Aft everything , went over t Evangelyn's dad's place t charge my phone had mac w Evangelyn nd Foo . Royce , Gerald nd AhLe (?) came over t meet us , nd Evangelyn could nt come along due t some reasons :( Last min decision - teoheng . Was fcuking hyper man ! Omgggg ! Lazy t update alrd ! Pictures will be up soon .
***I fcuking hate guys who hurt girls . Realised things nd tht made my hatred grew deeper fr someone who've hurt my closest someone . Such guys will have their retribution one day . Girls are nt yr toys ! Even if we just keep quiet when we knw things , doesn't mean we're okay w it ! Brainless ppl ! I've been through this kinda shyt bfr nd nw , I cant believe th one closest t me is gg through this too (dhun ask who)

I seriously need my dear diary so th I can write in it . So many things t write abt ! :(

2010-05-11T23:15:00.003+08:00

Celebrate darling's advanced birthday today w Foo , Evan nd Queenie . Was suppose t go t Sentosa , bud last min , it was postponed t th June holidays . Darling , this isn't a proper celebration , I promise you a better one soon alrights ? Today was just like a relax session . Bought 3 big bottles of beer , let things out . Many emotions came through . Nt gna elaborate much . Soon , Evan left t meet Manford . Sudd had th feeling of swimming , only Queenie nd I swam while Darling nd Foo sat under shelter , chit chatting . Headed back t Queenie's hse nd they ordered mac . Soon , went down t slack fr a short while nd left fr hme . Felt rather relaxed aft all (:

Darling , it's gg t be 20 mre minutes til it's yr birthday . This is dedicated t you !

Firstly , HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING !

Secondly , I'm sorry I kinda spoilt yr birthday celebration today by breaking down all of a sudden :\ Finally 15 alrd . Known you fr coming 3 years nd been through alot . Thanks fr always being thr fr me all th time nd helping me w whadever problems tht I have . You're a great darling nd I've nvr regretted knowing you at all . I still owe you a proper celebration . Enjoy yr 15th birthday . I'll always be here fr you . Be happy alrights ? I love you ! (:

2010-05-11T05:50:00.004+08:00

It's 5.50am right now nd I've decided t do a short post .

Nt gna update abt my whereabouts . Just gna post abt whad I feel like saying .

Nw , I feel as though I'm being spinned arnd by everyone , nd nw , it's back t th old me . Th hurt tht I have inside , no one would ever understand . If I could control every single thing , I would . I always land myself being hurt . When can this ever stop ? I really feel like running away frm reality , I can't face it anymre . I'm here , struggling t make another step forward .

2010-05-08T22:56:00.002+08:00

Have edited few of my previous blog post , deleted some parts due t two reasons . Currently listening t : wo ai de ren . I have so many things on mind right now , bud idk hw t list it all out . I need a phone badly right now :( So many things happening recently , cant concentrate in anything I do . I really wish someone could really understand whad I`m gg through . I wish everything would turn out smoothly . Dhun wna shed a single tear . I want true happiness , nt just any ordinary happiness tht I can fake it all out .

You're a great guy , dhun be stressed up anymre , I'm here fr you . It's tough fr you , I knw . Thanks fr everything . (: I love you .

2010-05-07T21:29:00.002+08:00

No worries , I`ll definately get over you . Go ahead do whad you want . I`ll nvr post abt you anymre aft this post . I`ll move on ! You dhun even understand anything tht I`m gg through .

2010-05-06T02:18:00.001+08:00

I LOVEEEE YOUUU ! ♥

2010-05-05T14:41:00.010+08:00

Whooo ! Currently at Evan`s hse using th lappy ! Finally pictures can be updated ! (: Quite a number of things happened recently tht made me confused now .

Monday & Tuesday , 3/5/2010 & 4/5/2010

Work > Parkway > Bedok > AngMoKio

Had work frm 11 t 2 , foo nd evan met up w me , headed t parkway nd willie , then went k pool , met up w terrance , jumaat , ngaishun , wilson nd co. , aft tht headed t parkway nd walked arnd , some left nd we went back t k pool . Soon , went t bedok , got a shocked of my life ! I got my things back nd saw smth written inside , couldn`t explain hw I felt . Soon , headed t angmokio t ton w tianchi nd co. , things happened ? Super th confused ! Shall just end off here . Anw , just had fun .

I was speechless when I saw whad you wrote , nvr expected it . Thanks fr keeping yr promise , you`re nt heartless aft all . Perhaps I really misunderstood th whole situation . Anw , it`s all in th past . Thanks fr all you`ve given .

***

I nvr expected t meet up w you once agn . It`s been ages since I saw you . Thanks fr passing me th jacket when I was cold . Thanks fr also seeing if i was alright when I was down nd walk away . Thanks so much fr everything ! Goodluck in everything tht you do , guess we`ll meet up sometime soon ? You`re always welcome t talk t me when you`re down too ! Will owe you tht present (: Stupid boy ! Take back yr jacket , I have no rights t keep it at all .

***
I was shocked by whad you did . Although t ppl it may nt be serious , bud t me , it really shocked me , I`m sorry , loved cant be forced , you`re nt th one in my mind . Sorry . I just wna be friends w you .

2010-05-02T20:22:00.003+08:00

Back t blogging once agn , currently at lan right now . Found a job nd gg fr tryouts tmrw . Thanks tianchi fr wanting t help me ask arnd . I shall now start off from whr I stopped .

Thursday , 29/4/2010
school-ed > k pool w evan t meet jacky > foo`s place > beach

Was an exciting day , pictures are in facebook , when i`m able t use a proper comp , I`ll upload it all up .

Friday , 30/4/2010
school-ed > foo`s place > national library > town

Went t sch , had examination , nd th first part was done badly as I wasn`t feeling well , tried very hard fr th second part nd it was quite a success I guess ? Aft sch , Mr Wee wanted t see me due t some issues . i`m disappointed in myself . I cant believe I was still affected by whad ppl said abt you . Regretted slapping someone . Mr Wee had a chat w me , nd yes , he is very understanding ! Thanks so much fr everything , I will get back up . Went over t foo`s place t change nd headed t th library t study while foo was having tuition , aft tht , ngai shun came nd we headed t town , did some window shopping nd went back .

Saturday , 1/5/2010
swimming > sauna > steam bath > foo`s place > watsons > mac > playground > drink > beach

Was another exciting day . Studied , went swimming followed by sauna while talking abt our problems . Steam bath nd went t foo`s place . Went watsons t get hair dye t help foo dye her hair , it`s black now ! Laughs . Went t mac , then headed t th playground nd gazed at th stars , went t drink nd jacky called , met him nd headed t th beach t relax .

Sunday , 2/5/2010
studied > CS > Lan

Studied , went t CS t collect dress nd currently at lan . Was planning t go t th gym bud I doubt we`ll be gg today . Today`s supposingly t be our 8th month , I told myself t forget you by 12mn . I will do so . Thanks everyone who`ve been by my side . Yes , I`m a strong person . Nd t him , I`m not dumb , if you think you could hide this frm me since we were tgt . Ever since I came back frm overseas , I knew all abt it .

Hey bitch , we`ve seen through you too . Scram off , stop being a thick skin -,-
Shall end off here . Stay tuned !

2010-04-28T22:18:00.003+08:00

Currently at Evan`s house , guess staying over due t some reasons .

Monday , 26/4/2010
Ended sch late nd so , foo nd evan waited f me outside sch . Went t interchange tgt w darling nd she left w alan . Walked arnd , nd we decided t drink . So went t buy , nd headed t 200 plus nd started t pour our hearts out while drinking . Drank quite alot nd vomited while waiting fr evan`s mum . Took a cab as they were gg nearby my place . Rest fr a while nd I was prefectly fine aft tht . Things happened at night which made th 3 of us vexed , so conferenced til 2 plus .

Tuesday , 27/4/2010
Foo finally came back t sch . Evan came back fr counselling nd so met up in th toilet bfr her counselling nd fr recess . Soon evan went fr asian journeys nd I had my lessons , quarrelled w Mrs Leong as she was being a bitch . Was sent t see shayne kwok nd amazingly , I didn`t get any scolding frm him , stayed in r&r til her lesson ended nd left t meet evan at toilet . Me , foo nd evan were having couselling tgt w Ms Choy nd it was damn cool ! We said many things in thr . Aft sch , went t pasir ris . Stupid person dhun wna call my name keep calling ang mo nd keep disturbing . Laughs . Headed hme at 8 . Conferenced agn til 2plus .

Wednesday , 28/4/2010
met foo , evan , queen nd darling bfr sch started . Had recess tgt , nd evan had t leave halfway . Aft sch , met up agn nd headed t bugis t get our bag w evan , foo nd darling bud unfortunately , it was out of stock . Saw someone thr nd both of us were equally shocked man ! Headed back t tamp , darling left nd we went t window shop , resevered a dress , it was damn nice ! Went t try out th heels I`ve always wanted nd we decided t save our money . Went t 269 nd wrote our shopping list . Had many things in mind , nd we calculated tht we needed $700 plus ! Went t get bubble tea t quench our thirst nd unfortunately saw someone , finally saw it w my eyes nd n whad ppl are saying .

Shall post in private blog ltr on (:

2010-04-27T03:57:00.002+08:00

I thought friends was still whad we could be , bud I guess I lost tht too . Idk whad went wrong .

2010-04-26T20:09:00.004+08:00

I`ve revived my blog agn , many ppl have been asking me too . Fr now , I`ll start afresh . Guess things are really over , nd I`ll look on a brighter side , I knw whr I stand nd I have t face facts like tht . At least I tried bud didn`t work out . I dhun feel as bad , coz I did try t give whad I could . Went t happy aft sch , nt gna elaborate much , bud suffered a lil aft tht . Hme-ed at 6 . I miss you , bud I dhun wna think of it anymre . I won`t get into simple r/s anymre , I won`t rush into it . Coz , whad I need is someone who understand , give me a lil love , nd be thr fr me . Just a short post , will update agn soon . Would delete certain stuffs on my profile th next time . One last time , I love you . I hope I`ll lead a better life .

2010-03-21T00:34:00.001+08:00

Feeling rather lazy t post . Perhaps just a quick one will do , have t keep my dear diary aliveee :) More pictures t be posted , would post it in th next post .
Well , I shld start of w my holiday .

Mon , 15/3/10
Went t collect passport > Met bby > Met Queenie > Homed

Tues , 16/3/10
Queenie came over t my place .

Wed , 17/3/10 - Sat , 20/3/10
Phuket , fell sick on th 3rd day :( Stayed in hotel all day . I missed my dear bby like hell !

Sun , 21/3/10
Bby`s hse > Met Shaun > 500 plus > 209 > Homed

Mon , 22/3/10
No mre holiday , sch started ! :( Was okay , having elective module til Thursday nd I took th hairstyling course , super fun ! Time passed by fast . Aft sch , trained t city hall t meet up w bby , had lunch nd all nd headed t bedok nd back t city hall agn . Loveeeedie him !

* might be neglecting this blog as I`ll be posting in another dear diary of my own abt my personal feelings . Sorry readers !

2010-03-12T22:15:00.004+08:00

*pictures will nt be updated too often as th phone bby lent me is spoilt :\

SIM card confiscated , using a prepaid right nw .

Been gg t th same place nd doing th same thing almost everyday as bby has t 'attend' his hair sch . nd I`m nt bored , nd I`ll nvr get bored of him :) Well , I shall just post abt whad I cn rmb abt th week .

Mon , 8/3/10
Sch > Bby`s hse > Queen came > Below BJ`s hse > Home-ed

While we were below BJ`s hse , we planned fr th next day , which is t catch movie nd also planned fr impression`s night . Bby , Queenie nd BJ would be gg too ! Will talk t dad abt it ltr . It`s on th weekend aft my b'dae ! :)

*you went in alrd , take care although you cant see this . thanks fr yr help all these while :) you made so many ppl sad you knw ?! my bby`s sad too ! :( We saved a movie ticket w yr name on it coz we had 5 nd only 4 gg t th movies , if you were out , you`d definately go . Nice knwing you .

Tues , 9/3/10
Sch > Change > Met up w bby > Met up w BJ , Queenie was thr :) > Funan > Marina Square > KFC > Movie > Funan > Home

Enjoyed th day out ! Watched Alice in th wonderland . Wasn`t really very nice . Bby almost fell asleep in th movies , so did BJ , only Queenie nd I were wide awake . Laughs . Thr was a bunch of guys tht kept commenting on th movie nd predicting whad would happen -,- tht made my bby unable t sleep nd he got rather upset :\ Turned back nd asked them t shutup , nd they did , like finally ! Aft movies , went t funan as bby had t sign out frm his hair sch . Thr was a lady who accidentally stepped on my slipper , thinking tht it was Queenie , I turned back nd shouted 'oi' loudly , th person got a shock nd so did I . Felt so bad / awkward . Bby , Queenie nd BJ were laughing ! Arghs . Bus-ed back hme nd my dear bby entertained us w his 1-1o thing ( nt gg t elaborate , only me nd Queen knws ! ) Funny cans !

Wed , 10/3/10
Sch > Funan > Home

Nth much t elaborate abt as I cant really rmb whad happened .

Thurs , 11/3/10
Cross country > Home > Meet bby @ inter > Funan > Penisula > Raffles Place > City Link > Marina Square > Mellinia Walk > Suntec > Funan > Home

Shopped fr 6 hours tgt w bby ! Amazing ! Actually , was just walking arnd nah . Bby bought lollipops fr me frm cady empire ! Thankq bby ! Love you ! I still have th chocolates you kinda bought fr me in my room :) Lollipops finished :( Enjoyed th day , he really makes my day ! Was all so hyper ! On th bus back hme , bby nd I were 'playing a game' . I had t guess whad`s th title of th song tht he picks , came out w many stupid answers which made both of us laugh . Did tht fr 3/4 of th journey back . Funny !

Fri , 12/3/10
Sch > Funan > Home

Basically , today , bby had t be inside his hair sch t learn ! So only met him fr lunch break nd his two other small lil breaks . Walked arnd funan , stayed at mac while waiting fr bby . Left at 5 plus , early today ! He`s so cute ! He really did th 'businessman hairstlye' on himself today !

***
I`m gg overseas next week , fr th 1st time , I`m gg t say I`m nt excited abt gg overseas , nt this time coz' I really cant bear t leave my dear bby fr 4 days ! :'( I`ll miss you like mad , will seriously go crazy . I`m afraid too :\ Can I nt go ? I want you ! Wrote t you a 8 pages note , hope you`ll keep it properly , nd nt in those places you said ah ! I knw you were joking . I really love you ! I wna see you soon . Thanks fr everything my dear , I loveeee youuuu !

2010-03-07T07:52:00.004+08:00

It`s been long since I last came into this blog . Cant really rmb whad happened fr th whole of last week so aint gg t elaborate much . I shall start off w Wed .

Wed , 3/3/10
Things happened nd I aint gg t elaborate . Only those who are close t me would knw whad happened .

Thurs , 4/3/10
Sch was fine . Mr Chiang was absent so tht anti-social teacher relieved our class agn . Played games nd I was shouting like a mad person :\ Aft PE was POA nd Mdm Lau finally came t sch aft being absent on her b'dae nd th day aft . Suprised her w th b'dae cake nd she bought drinks fr th class so it was mre like a mini party ? Headed t meet bby aft sch tgt w Queenie .

Fri , 5/3/10
Sch was as per normal . Many teachers were absent nd lessons were relaxed . I was being all so hyper ! Sch ended early nd I was skipping out of sch laughing arnd , nd I saw bby outside sch , screamed fr idk whad reason nd started t walk normally . Suprised ! Headed t mac t have our lunch nd smth happened t queenie ? Hope everything will be fine . Went t 201 t take a bus t city hall area nd bus-ed back aft a while . Queenie`s mum sent me back . Thanks ! nd it was bye bye t bby ! :'(

Sat , 6/3/10
Stayed hme . Sigh . Thr was a period of time when I was alone at hme . Kinda went mad due t some reason . Missed bby sooo much ! Time passes by soo slowly ! Ohmy ! Nth much t post abt .

Sun , 7/3/10
Happy 2nd monthsary t hazel dear ! Thanks fr th wish in plurk yeah .
Well , bby went t sleep not long ago . He`s so cute when he talks when he`s drunk ! Hope he`ll have a good rest nd hope he`ll feel better aft he wakes up . Cant help smiling t th comp as bby`s really cute ! He`s also being troubled by smth :( Feel so useless . Cant help or say anything t make him feel better . Love him ttm cans ! Miss him so much .

***
Darling , I had fun w you too , esp when you entertain me back when I`m being hyper . You always join in th hyperness . Wheeee ! Rmb our shopping plan t get *ahem* fr our boyfr kays ? Find time kays ? Loveee you !

* bby , I will nvr give up on you no matter whad happens . Just like hw you continued loving me in th past despite hw I`ve treated you . I love you bby .

2010-02-25T20:37:00.013+08:00

Above is a picture of me nd mummy , I really miss her all of a sudden . Sist just cried due t some reasons tht a small girl would feel . My heart sank . Although we do quarrell most of th time , bud she`s still my sist nd I still love her . Kinda helped her nd talked t dad abt it .

Common test`s here nd tmrw would be th end of this nightmare . Kinda studied ? Baby did help me in my chemistry , nd I finally passed my class test thanks t him ! Went t city hall w baby today as he had t be arnd thr fr some stuffs , aft tht , lunched at long john nd I was being all so hyper nd he entertained me by being hyper w me ? Will nt elaborate much bud it`s just amazing tht he`ll play along . Went over t millenia walk t buy chocolates frm candy empire . Thanks baby ! Bused 12 back t tamp nd pei-ed him t meet his friends fr a short while nd left fr home . On th way home , chatted w darling . *secret* . It`s been long since we`ve last chatted lidat .

my friend , girl , I won`t mention who you are , if you happen t pass by my blog , you`d knw tht I`m refering t you . Cheer up aite ? When I was down you were thr fr me . Seeing you lidat in th morn , really pains my heart . Although we aint close , bud still , I`ve nvr seen you like this aft 2 years plus of knwing you ? It`s nt th end . I believe you`re capable of someone better , I knw hw you feel , bud whad did you tell me in th past ? Let nature take its course . Everyone would want t see th happy girl tht we once knew .

Regarding tht f/s , I really dhun knw whad t do abt it . Yes , at times I do get affected by it becoz tht f/s among us , we`ve always managed t solve almost everything nd we`ve nvr fought . It`s hard t find such friends .

*Hope our r/s would continue progressing , I really love you baby , you`re one in a million . Always treasuring times spent w you . Thanks fr everything ! <333

2010-02-21T12:32:00.003+08:00

Sch`s fine nd common test`s drawing nearer . Rather stressful being in sec 3 esp when POA comes in . Friday , baby taught me Chemistry , those I aint really sure of . Thanks baby . nd t ppl who knws who`s he , you guys may think tht he wont be able t teach me or whad so ever , bud he`s actually a smart person alrights ! Dhun judge a book by its cover . Baby wants me t show him results . Promised him tht I`ll try my very best . Hopefully I wouldn`t disappoint him .

I cant rmb whad I did on Thurs , just rmb tht I was w baby . So shall nt post abt anything on Thursday .

Fri , 19/2/2010
Sch > Slacked outside sch while waiting fr someone > went t wake baby up > met baby`s friend > long john > 209 > homed .

Sat , 20/2/2010
Went t baby`s hse > chatted w his mum > tried t wake him up > his friend came over > baby woke up > long john > Percy Jackson nd th lightning theif > 209 > homed .

*sorry tht I didn`t make it , fr I really didn`t wna see her . I`ll make it up .

2010-02-17T19:25:00.002+08:00

Well , I`m just here t do a short post . Aft a short holiday frm sch , sch finally reopened . Met up w darling in th morn nd it has been quite some time since I saw her ? Homeroom , was abt BGR nd hw we spent our 'holiday' . Maths , Mr Chiang said : " you knw why when Rachel`s in her own world , I dhun scold her ? Tht`s bcoz when thr`s test she scores full marks . " Idk if tht`s a compliment or whad bud , yahr , I hope tht is ? Nd I`m nt in my own world ! Chinese lesson was rather interesting as we were singing songs . Ended sch nd headed t meet baby nd his friend , nd went t Raffle's place t do some things , went back t tamp nd had subway nd headed back hme . Smth happened bfr I went back hme , I`m sorry . Thanks darling fr pei-ing me t inter . Luvs !

I feel sooo shag right now .

to them ? :
Sometimes , I really dhun knw whad t do abt our friendship . I guess , tht someone came into our f/s . I find it a pity as tht`s kinda making me drift away . Somethings , I really wish t tell you guys , bud it wouldn`t work I guess ? Nth cn change tht she`s a part of us right nw . Whad shld I do abt it ? I really wish t hang out mre often w you guys , bud she`s partly th reason of why I dhun nw . You guys are kinda closer right nw ? It`s okayy . I`ll still play my part as a part of you guys . I`m nt sure hw long would I be able t be like this , bud I`m sure you guys knw me well enough , mre than any others . Soo , yeah , idk whad th future holds nd I wouldn`t wna put you guys in a diff position . All of us are falling apart nw . I`m still hanging on . I really wish you guys could understand me , why at times I`m nt attending th meet ups . I`ve been straight foward nd told you guys th reason too . Our f/s would still be dearly kept in my heart .

2010-02-15T11:18:00.019+08:00

CNY celebration in class ,

my dear stepsist ,

before gg fr visiting on 12/2/2009 ,

Finally aft a long time of uploading my pictures , I can finally post . As promised , pictures are uploaded . Well , as seen above , was really having lots of fun in sch on Friday . Was really hyper if you were able t tell . Nt all pictures were uploaded . For more , please go t my classmates facebook . Enough abt Friday . I`ve deleted my post dated 14 Feb -12:58 . Changed my blogsongs as well .

Sat , 13 Feb
Had reunion dinner nd stayed over at grandma`s place . Went down t meet baby nd soon aft tht , sist came down w fire crackers . I was shouting here nd thr as th sound kept scaring me . Aft playing w 160 fire crackers , we stayed at th playground . Was lying at th slide gazing at th stars above . Soon sist headed back hme , nd I continued t stay fr a short while w baby . Headed back t grandma`s hse @ arnd 10pm plus ? Stayed up t try t finish up my valentines day gift as it was a very last min thing :(

Sun , 14 Feb

Firstly , wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year nd a Happy Valentines Day . Hope everyone would enjoy their day out w their relatives / loved ones . Went over t great grandma`s hse fr a short while nd off t meet baby . Went t somewhr tht held both our good nd bad memories . Headed hme @ 1130pm . Thanks fr th gift baby nd thanks fr th company you`ve given me . I knw my gift`s nt perfect . I`m sorry . As promised , I owe you another gift . I love you !

This year`s hong bao really decreased alot . Sigh .

Mon , 15 Feb
Had mac delivery fr breakfast as baby tempted me early in th morning bfr he went overseas . Baby , take care of yrself yahr ? Will be waiting :) I`m alrd missing you although it`s just 4 hours since you left fr overseas . Would be gg over t grandma`s hse agn ltr fr dinner . Guess would be meeting mummy 1st as both Russell nd Ashley are gg over too nd mummy cant handle both of them alone . Nt too sure either . Will update agn soon !

***

Darling , ohmy , I`m so sorry tht I didn`t return yr call , was w him nd aft tht was doing th valentines day gift . You didn`t msg me telling me ! :( Will text you soon aft I get ready . I love you ! Hope you did enjoy yr early celebration of valentines day on Friday ! .

2010-02-12T18:56:00.002+08:00

.it`s th 1st post fr Feb . Just realised tht I haven`t been posting fr quite some time , so I`m back t keep my dear diary alive . Well , I`m currently at my aunt`s hse having reunion dinner . Had celebration in sch just now . Really enjoyed . It`s just a pity tht darling wasn`t thr . Sigh . Was really hyper in sch just now , was dancing like a mad person ? Finally I kinda learnt t take things t my own hands ? Wasn`t just like th other days , feeling down fr some reason . Really hyper today , hope I can feel tht way all th time . Laughs . Took many pictures nd it`ll be uploaded in th next post as this aint my comp nd I dhun have my cable w me right now . Anyways , I really hope it`ll be a smooth valentines day fr me this year . Kinda afraid fr idk whad reason ? Just feel tht way . Shall nt think too much , just hope I nth goes wrong .

Anyways , thanks jesvina fr th valentines day gift ! Loves much !

I`ll still love you no matter hw hurting yr words may be . I won`t let go anymre .

2010-01-30T11:33:00.008+08:00

Finally , pictures are updated as well . Okay , whad shld I start off w ? Life ? Ain`t really gg well fr me . Somethings , I just cant say it here . Well , sch`s fine , just tht th Bio teacher is unreasonable . Dhun ever expect me t turn up fr yr detention classes . Go ahead nd report , I dhun care . Been skipping her stupid detention lesson fr 3 days ? She said one mre time nd she`ll report . Whadever . Cant be bothered anyway . Friday , had talks in class . People were feeling down , including me . Didn`t really went straight t th point of hw we were feeling , bud , managed t get a lil of th story . Hope we all cheered up ? Aft sch , went out , nt elaborating . Aft gg out , went t grandpa`s hse fr a short while as I was nearby . Shall just end off my post here . Stay tuned fr mre .

nd I cant belive tht I once had a friend like you , once so close t you . Whad you`ve done , I knw it all . Cant believe it . Really disppointed w whad you`ve done . You caused me pain . You caused me t suffer . You wouldn`t knw tht I`m talking abt you I guess , coz you would nvr expected me t see through all these , you wouldn`t expect me t knw abt this one day . Dhun assume it`s you unless you`re part of whad caused me t go through th darkest part of my life . nd you even saw th weakest side of me . Unbelievable . Hw I wish you could tell me tht it`s nt you . Bud , I wouldn`t trust it anymre .

* boy , I`m missing you real badly nw ..

2010-01-28T21:00:00.003+08:00

I`m here keeping my blog alive once again . I cn say , many things did happened recently , bud , I`m nt gg t post abt my feelings right here . Will be posting it in another blog of mine . Just here t update nd keep my blog alive . Really feeling useless right nw . Smth`s nt right bud yet I can`t do anything . Whad shld I do ? I really wonder . Have been almost doing th same thing everyday . Nt gna elaborate much . Guess I shall just end off here ? Off t post in my other blog . Will update again soon , stay tune .

* I really feel useless , nt being able t help when smth`s nt right . sigh .

2010-01-24T10:53:00.006+08:00

I`m just gg t do a short post t keep my dear blog alive . Ohmy , th class haven`t been decorated ! . Sch ends at 245 tmrw . Sian die me ! :( Bud aft tht wouldn`t be so bored lerh . Hw I wish today could pass by faster ! Yes darling , I feel tht I`m putting on weight too . Dhun take slimming pills , I go buy th slimming tea then share w you . Hurry go talk t yr mummy abt th dance ! I`ve talked t my dad abt it alrd . Although it`s nt ballet , bud it`s still dance , so I dhun mind , plus I knw darling wouldn`t take ballet . LOL . Darling faster go ask yr mummy . Dancing can make you lose weight too . Hehe , I think when I get my angpao , I`ll use some t buy a gift , th rest t hold my ballet fees if possible fr 3 months 1st . We`ll see 1st bahr . Darling , meet up soon ah ! I`ll help you w yr 1 year anniversary , rmb tht time you said you wanted t do smth ? I can pei you do , you`re my darling , sure will help you derh , anyways , hope you felt better aft th talk ytd . Love you . Stay strong .

*rest of th post is in another blog .

* i miss you so much , wondering whad you`re doing nw .

2010-01-17T12:05:00.001+08:00

Blogging again fr a reason , it`s waikiat`s birthday !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAIKIAT ! .
Here`s a short post fr you . Time passes by really fast . You`re a year older nw . 15 alrd . Which means more problems are sure t come , mre stress in studies . Must be mature nd overcome it all yeah ? . Cant rmb when was th last time I saw you as you couldn`t make it t go fr jeremy`s birthday celebration . Bud I sure do know it`s been a long time since we`ve met up . One of these days , we all meet up again alrights ? . It`s gna be 5 years tht we knw each other . Really fast . Enjoy yr birthday . We`ll always be here fr you . Hope everything`s gg on smoothly fr you . take care . Laughs , didn`t expected t be th 1st t send tht kinda msg t you . Meet up aft yr camp or smth . Study hard ! .

Alrights , shall continue a short post . Yesterday , went fr church . One of th reasons was hoping fr smth , another was really t pray fr every single unhappy thing tht`s happening . Hope tht god would really respond t my prayers . Eunice said smth rather meaningful t me : " actually fate is just coincidence , just tht we put hope into it nd call it fate . When we put mre hope into fate ,we would think it`s miracles . " Thanks dearies fr yr countless advices nd strength you`ve given t me t pull through this difficult time despite you guys having problems too . nd darling , yes , saw yr post . Must meet up mre often . Really miss th times we had during th ending of sec ones nd begining of sec two . Really miss those times we go out almost everyday .

I knw you wna MIA , idk whad`s th real reason , bud I`m here as a friend / gdfriend . I`m reaching out my hand t help you , bud you`re nt reaching out t grab it . I tried . I knw you`d come here nd read . So dhun run away frm it . Face it . If I can , so can you . If you really wna run away frm problems nd stress tht you`re facing , when you return back , you`ll still have t face it . I`m here fr you so dhun think tht thr`s no one .

* whad am I in yr eyes ? . no matter hw much I sacrifice , will you ever see / feel it ? . yes , shld I be happy tht I had a wonderful dream of you last night or shld I feel sad tht aft 18 days , I`m still all over you ? .

2010-01-16T13:10:00.002+08:00

I cant really rmb whad happened fr th week , all I knw tht problems aft problems are coming . I lost friends , nd I gained some . Shall update abt ytd , as I can only rmb abt whad happened ytd . I finally regained my sense of hunger ! :\ I can eat normally . Alrights , went t th toilet during maths lesson , nd when I came back , rico pulled me nd asked t dance th 'sorry sorry - super junior' song w him . Laughs , was damn funny ! . Lessons were per normal , I kinda lost distraction in class due t things tht has been happening . Hope my concentration nd focus would come back by monday . Must jiayou ! . Went out w clare , eunice , siewhui , things happened bud we were thr fr each other . Ytd at kfc , receieved a call . I was really happy I could say . Th smile I gave was smth tht I haven`t given since th start of this year . I`m really glad .

Well , basically , life aint gg smooth fr me , fr my friends . Many things have been happening recently , nd it`s just th begining of th year . Relationship problems , friendship problems , family problems . Well , people say you lose some , you gain some ? . I wish I could turn back time nd be a small kid , a primary sch kid , whr I dhun have t handle so much things , whr I can get whad ever I want . Bud , I cant . I`ve grown up , it`s part nd parcel of life . Friends arnd me are facing problems too . Learn from them nd look forward . We told ourselves tht we`re gg t study . Yes , people may nt believe , bud dhun judge a book by its cover . We would prove t those who looks down / thinks tht we cant make it in study wise tht we can do it . I`m sec 3 alrd , I can go on w my sec 2 life . No matter whad , I overcome everything , time`s all I need .

t my friends ( you guys knw who you are ) ,
although it`s barely a month tht we`ve been hanging out , bud we shared many stories , we all hope fr diff things . Every single on of us have our own obstacles in life . Thanks fr showing my tht it ain`t only me who`s facing problems . By sharing yr stories nd seeing you guys taking baby steps t stand back up , really makes me think positively . Thanks fr being my pillar of support all these while no matter hw stupid I am , you guys would do those stupid things tgt . One example is folding _ _ _ _ _ _ of hope tgt . All of us were so concentrated in doing it fr our own hope . We all hope fr diff things . I`m here t thank you guys fr being thr fr me although it`s just a short time . I`m really glad . Thanks fr advices you`ve given , especially those long msg-es you`ve sent ytd . Really appreciate it . Thanks .

Many thanks t darling , eunice , siewhui , clare , hazel nd those who have been thr fr me . I`ll be strong nd overcome obstacles . Yes , I`ll let nature take its course .

* you`re safely back . take care . tht`s all I can say . i`m alrd lost of whad t do . lastly , last long bahr . one day , i believe i`ll be able t give you guys my warmest blessings although I still love him .

2010-01-14T20:39:00.002+08:00

All tht I have t say is tht 2010`s nth close t whad I expected . Many things have been happening recently t me , nd my friends too . I thought this would be a great year whr everything would so smoothly , bud , guess whad ? . Everything`s haywire now ? . Shld I really go give out my best t everything`s tht has gone messy or shld I just give up even on myself ? . It`s just 2 weeks aft 2010 . nd things lidat are happening . Perhaps it was becoz I started off my year w sorrows . Whad shld I do ? . Seriously . FML ! . Cant it be better ? ! .

2010-01-10T09:16:00.005+08:00

* I sure do miss my brown hair :( this picture was taken hours before we broke .

{/. edited post}

I`m rewriting my post bud contents shld be abt th same . Just a short update . I`ve been able t pay attention during lessons nd tht`s smth I`m really happy abt . I feel tht I`m no longer like who I used t be . Yeah , sec 3 shld be a time t wake up . I`ve slacked fr a year alrd . I can`t continue failing all my subjects again . I`m gna prove everyone wrong . I can study . i`m nt stupid . Actually , if it wasn`t fr him , I would still be who I am last year . It was him who woke me nd made me wna study again . He`s my motivation t studying although he`s gone . Another reason I wna study is I wna achieve whad I want . When I show dad tht I can cope w my studies , I would ask t continue t pursue dance nd I want dad t help me get th necklace back fr me . This is all I ask fr nd I`ll definately maintain my results . Rather satisfied w who I am nw . I have confidence in all my subjects except fr chemistry . It`s so boring nd th teacher can`t teach -,- Bud I`ll work on it . I`ve completed my homework nd I`m gg t write in th diary soon . Anyways , those invited t my private blog , so sorry t inform you tht I`ve deleted it .

girl , I realised tht I dhun hate you at all . It`s nt yr fault . If his heart was really w me , this wouldn`t happen . I dhun wna live my life w hatred either . Sorry tht I had misunderstand you .

* have an enjoyable trip , take care .

darling , thankq so much fr yr post . I definately knw tht you`ll always be thr fr me . I`m always here fr you too . No matter hw far we`re apart , I`m always here fr you too . Thanks fr all yr love , comfort nd support tht you`ve given t me . Indeed we`ve been through alot , bud we still have a long way mre t go . I love you too my dear girl ! . Just a call away . Just ring me up .

2010-01-07T18:59:00.002+08:00

I feel tht I dhun even know myself ! . I used t want freedom , now tht I kinda have it , i`m coming hme early . Being a gd girl luh :) Today started lessons , can`t believe I`m working hard nd paying attention on class . Bye bye t th old rachel . Feel tht I kinda grew up aft th problems tht happened last year . Recently , friends are having problems too . Sorry cant be of much help . Today whole class kena 100 push ups fr PE -,- th rest were fine . Have been paying attention nd studying , gna do my hmework aft posting nd write in tht diary . I feel so guai . Bud it`s just th begining , hope I`ll maintain bahr . Jiayous t me ! . Fr elective module , will be taking spa-tech nd hairstyling . I want dancing ! . Bud sadly , dhun have . Aft sch , ahem then left t find jocelyn w kailing . Then met up w eunice , hazel nd clare while kailing nd jocelyn went t tamp 1 / tamp mall , nt too sure abt it . kinda had h2h talks w them . Left aft a while .

Darling , I know hw you`re feeling . really , i`m kinda gg through th same thing . You also know hw I was like maybe two days back ? . Bud I gotta stand up . Although th persons are a lil diff bud in a r/s , thr bound t have things lidat bahr . Must take it t yr own hands . I dhun really knw hw t comfort you bud , yah , I`ll try my best t help you . Must jiayous . Dhun shed tears , coz it cant help , although I did shed tears luh , bud see , now I`m fine , no longer crying like a baby right ? . You can contact me anytime my dear girl . Now tht you cn control this r/s too , prevent all these frm happening . I dhun wna see you ending up like me :\ If you love someone , you wouldn`t mind whad they are . Rest will tell you personally alrights ? . Love you .

Jocelyn , although we aint as close , bud yeah , dhun want you t end up in my situation , although you dhun knw whad`s really happening bud , jiayous . You can do it . Hold on tightly , no matter whad it is , you can overcome it tgt . Dhun wait til it`s too late .

nb , fcuked up w you , ppl dhun want reply keep text text text -,- I nvr reply come ask my friends ask me t reply . Cant stand it . Then I dhun want reply dhun want answer , you come scold cb ? . I think you really got a prob in yr mind . You think I belive whadever you`re saying ? . No way . Get lost . I dhun wna have any contact w you . Glad tht you gt my point tht I dhun wna contact you at all .

I didn`t mean t say such things t you . I knw you still view my blog . You shld also know tht someone has taken tht place in my heart alrd . I dhun mean t hurt you , bud I`d rather get it clear nw than ltr . Friends will do . Sorry .

A moment , you`re this , a moment you`re tht , I`m really confused . Sigh . I`m lost too . I`ve tried . You still dhun trust me . I know . You dhun knw whad`s gg on too . Hw I wish I could tell you everything . Take care of yrself boy . I do miss you .

Alrights , I`m off t do my hmework nd write my dear diary t him , bud he won`t see it I guess . Lol .

2010-01-06T19:08:00.003+08:00

Second post of th day . Just here t do a short post . Sch`s nt really as exciting as it used t be . 65 push ups fr punishment today -,- Forget abt sch . Met up w baobao fr lunch nd I ain`t feeling well at all . sigh . I was just alright ytd , managed t stop my thinking nd all . Bud now , when I saw smth , I got down again . Whad am I suppose t do ? . Shld I want my old self back ? . Or my new self ? . I`ve nvr felt this was before , nvr felt so puzzled before . I chose this life , bud , am I gna continue it this way ? . Maybe good things would happen in th future , maybe bad . Am I really gna be prepared ? . I`m still lost .

* speedy recovery t you , take good care t you . *

2010-01-06T04:43:00.005+08:00

* pictures will be posted in th next post . *

I`m starting w my normal posting alrd . No longer those posts . It`s 4.50 am now . I feel tht everything`s better now , I learnt t take things t me own hands , control my emotions aft ytd`s counselling .

Monday , 4th January
It`s th first day of sch . Sch was rather fine , was sent hme due t hair colour . Went w queenie t dye our hair black . It`s fcuking black right now . Went back t sch . Sch was fine , bud nt my mood . Did some silly things aft tht . Rather stupid of me t do tht . Dhun wna elaborate .

Tuesday , 5th January
Had counselling fr 2 hours plus . Felt much better nd I learnt many things . I made a decision too . Rather satisfied w th decision I made . Fr this one month , I must think it through , nd prepare myself fr tht day . I cn do it . Had hall prog nd I left th hall t th office halfway . Went back t classroom aft tht . Omg , I cant believe I`m character champ , dhun think I can pick up th responsibility :\ Must jiayous in my studies this year . Found a study partner . I want guai guai study lerh . Aft sch , shall nt elaborate much , slacked w kailing , eunice , clare , hazel . Thr was this aunty damn cute , want intro her son t us , nd his son is 28years old -,- laughs . were laughing like mad norh . Left rather early nd headed hme . Guai right ? . Thanks girls fr supporting my decision bud idk whad th future holds . Thr`s a dance competition , smth lidat . Still considering if I shld join .

Plans fr today :
shld be meeting sweets (baobao) fr her half an hour lunch break .
most probably gg hmw aft tht .

Darling ! . Today`s yr 11 month anniversary . So fast coming a year lerh horh ? . You used t be th one who envy me nd him although we`re nt tgt fr long , nw tht we`re nt tgt alrd , it`s you I envy cans ! . Thanks fr everything tht you`ve done fr me . Happy 11th month my dear girl .

I`ve decided t wait til th date you said you`d be back . I knw it ain`t really gg t happen , bud tht`s th time , I have t think through , get myself ready fr th answer . I have t let go a lil , if you come back , then will start t redevelope feelings frm thr . Bud if you`re nt coming back , I have t let it go step by step , idk hw long it`ll take , bud now`s nt th time fr me t worry nd think abt these . I just have t prepare myself fr tht day no matter whad our decisions are , or maybe yrs . I used t tell you , I wrote in a diary abt you , I`m still writing . On tht day , I`ll also decided whether I shld give it t you , coz it was meant t be yrs . All I want nw is fr you t be happy . Will be thr fr you as a goodfr .

Mummy , thanks fr yr concern nd support all these while . You dhun treat me as a small kid anymre . You guide me , nd nt tell me exactly whad t do . Nd I know tht no matter whad my decision is , you`ll still support me . Lil things tht you do fr me , I can see it . I found you . Calling me aft sch , t check if I`m feeling better . I`m kinda touched . I could talk t you like I am w my friends , maybe this time I may disappoint you as I brought him t see you in th past bud , mummy will nt mind right ? . mummy will support me right ? . I love you .

2010-01-05T00:22:00.002+08:00

I guess I really wna go MIA this time . I really wna type it all out nd my mind can just be at ease . I really wish I could go t bed this very instance . I really wish I wasn`t here at all . Aft all I`ve been through , all I can say is tht my life sucks . Hw I wish thr were mre bottles of beer thr , nt just two . I wna wake myself up frm this nightmare . I wna leave you alone . Why do I always fall fr someone who doesn`t really love me ? . Why do I fall so deep aft a r/s ? . You shld knw tht I love you so much . Bud I knw you love her . You could trust her mre . All I want nw is t get on w life . If we`re meant t be , we will , if nt , I`ll give you both my blessings . You said we`re goodfr , I really wna see . I`ll wait fr you t contact . I`ll always be thr fr you .

2010-01-04T06:08:00.002+08:00

It`s a few more hours til sch reopens . I used t look forward t sch , bud I dhun really now . Perhaps today will be a better day whr I may nt feel so stuck . Hope I would have things t do t occupy me . Mummy was right . I still have a long way mre . It`s just gna be another month . I shldn`t do this t myself . I shld enjoy myself while waiting . Yeah , if I really love you , I can hang in thr . Mummy , thanks fr th talk ytd . I no longer think abt doing foolish things t myself . You asked why did I fall so deeply in this r/s . Idk whad t reply you , bud all I know is tht I really love him . Today would be another day . It would pass by . I felt like a baby ytd when my stepsist kept crying . I somehw felt like her . Looking aft my baby stepbro , made me feel so much better . He was part tht cheered me up . Watching tv , feeding him , carrying him when he`s scared nd so on , made me nt think so much . Thanks mummy fr everything . I`m sorry I`m a burden . I`ve heard hw you really look at me . Th truth hurts bud I have t accept it .

2010-01-03T10:14:00.002+08:00

This would be th last time I`m gg t post abt you here , nd this time serious . I know you dhun read my blog . I really dhun know whad`s going on . Idk how long am I gg t hang in thr . This`s really a big blow . I`ve been crying fr days ever since you left . Everyday tht I`m gna wait , w/o hesitation , I`ll bound t cry somehw . Once I start , idk hw t stop . I`m running away frm everything . That`s th only thing I could think of . I know I added t yr problems . Dhun worry . It will end soon . You won`t have t worry abt anything anymre . I found a way out . I love you , I really do . Whad would really be th outcome , I really dhun knw . Bud I find tht this is th only way out . Goodbye my love .

2010-01-02T08:14:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Mummy !
Today`s yr birthday . I hope everything goes well fr you . I miss you . I really feel like talking t you , bud I cant . I dhun mean t keep it frm you . Hope he`ll help me play th other part although we aint tgt anymre bahr . I know you`ll nvr see this bud mummy , take care of yrself . I really do miss you . Will visit you another time :)

Will be gg out ltr , someone told me : dhun stay hme nd rot yrself . Go out , have some fun nd be happy while you`re waiting . At this state tht you`re gg , you`ll nt be able t hang in thr . Last night when you called , I knew you kinda find me irritating lerh . You asked me t give you time . Alrights , I can , I can wait bud idk hw long can I hang in thr physically , at times , I feel like I`ve gone mad . My head would hurt like someone`s hitting it . Whad will be next ? . Sch`s gg t start . I wna be happy . I wna start th 1st day of sch right . I said , I would resist my temptation of contacting you , nd I`ll try my very best t do so . If you could be happy out thr . I wna be happy too . I trust tht you`ll be back . nd I hope you`ll accept me fr who I am . Certain things I can change . Bud somethings , are just me . Aftall , I did change inside . Hope you`ll see it soon . You said you have yr own probs too , I`m willing t go through them w you . Tht`s whad we were suppose t do . I`ll try nt t blog abt you here anymre . Take care of yrself . I`ll wait .

2010-01-01T15:55:00.003+08:00

Baby , I really need you back . Although it`s just two days , bud it seems like a year . I`m too used t life w you . I cant adapt t it in such a quick time . I miss you badly . I wna talk t you like hw we used t . I wna call you baby once again . Come back please . I can wait fr another 1 mnth nd 1 week , bud idk if I`ll be able t hang in thr . I`m dying here alrd . I`m serious . I really feel like ending my life . Whr are you ? ! I really do need you . You`re a part of me . No one can replace you . I promise I`ll do anything when you`re back . All I need is you . I will do anything . I promise . I won`t break this promise . Give me a chance t be back w you nd I`ll prove t you . I won`t lie t you becoz of anything anymre . All I really need is you . I`m begging you , come back please . It wasn`t easy t know you . If I was just a min behind , we wouldn`t even be tgt nd I wouldn`t have knwn such a great guy like you . You`re th one fr me nd I`m certain abt tht . I`ll treasure you . I promise .

2010-01-01T06:29:00.003+08:00

It`s 6.30 am now nd I still cant sleep . It`s finally 2010 , everyone`s enjoying their new year bud definately nt me . Why cant I be like everyone who`s always spending their new year happily ? . Why me ? . Every new year ain`t really a good one fr me . I thought this year , it would be , bud no . I still rmb-ed a new year , when I was still young in pri sch , mummy nd daddy came hme quarrelling loudly in th middle of th night , nd I pretended t sleep . On th same day in th aftnoon , daddy left . Ever since then , I dhun really have family love t me , I thought someone like you could love me mre than them .

2009`s gone . Memories tgt w you would still be w me . And yes , I`m talking abt you , nt him , 30/12 . Although it was just a short one , I`ll still keep it . Although I had bad memories in 2009 , it`s time I shld forgive nd forget , let bygones be bygones . It`s a new year . I hope it`ll be a smooth 2010 . I`m gna be a good girl . Score well in my studies . I`m gna let my family members look down on me anymre . I`ll make sure I`ll achieve good grades . I will study hard this year . People say learn frm yr mistake nd move on . Th mistake I made this year was nt studying . All I want this year is t be w you fr as long as we`re able t .

mummy , I`m sorry , I would really like t celebrate yr birthday tmrw , bud I know somehw , I`ll just breakdown infront of you . Wouldn`t it be spoiling yr birthday ? . You used t be th one when I`m feeling sad abt all these . Maybe nt all th time . Bud once you find out tht I`m crying , you`ll call nd talk t me like a friend til I feel better . I mre comfortable talking t you , you`re my mum , you understand me , you know whad t do . I really wish t tell you , bud I dhun want t spoil yr birthday , I dhun wna add t yr problems nd mre importantly , I dhun wna spoil his image in yr eyes , since he said he`ll be back . mummy , sorry ! . I dhun mean t keep it frm you . I love you .

boy , I miss you , I miss talking t you til late at night , I miss gg down t meet you . I miss everything tht has gt t do w you . I know in th past I did treat you badly before in th past . Ever since I brought you t meet my mum , grandmother nd greatgrandmother , practically my mum`s side th family , I`ve started t treat you mre seriously . Before tht I`ve treated you seriously alrd . I rmb you once told me tht you believe tht you`ll be able t make me forget my past , nd I kept hesitating , I kept thinking tht you cant . Bud you showed me tht you could . I`ve nvr felt so bad before . Aft every r/s , th mre I get hurt . Bud I want you t be th last . I mean it . It took me a long time , nd been through alot t have met you nd be w you . You promised you`ll be back . 1 mre month nd 7 mre days . You said you still love me , bud why put me through all these ? . It`s really painful . Since you said you still love me , nd I still love you , why cant we go through it tgt in a less painful way ? . I`m really scared or r/s alrd . I`ve just managed t stand up nd love someone w all my heart , bud , this happens . I know I dhun show it yet , bud lil things I do tht upsets you , it upsets me mre , I only do it becoz I love you . I didn`t mean t show you attitude derh . I told you th reason behind it . I know I didn`t treasure you in th past bud now I do now . If nt I wouldn`t have done whad I did on wednesday morning . I`ve never done such thing fr anyone before . Now tht our distance`s so far , we`ll seldom contact , I really dhun knw whad will happen t this r/s . Many things came t my mind . Will this pull us closer ? . or nt ? . I`ve thought through when I was in bed all night , all tht matters is tht you`re happy . I`ll nvr forget th times we had . Th way you looked at stars w yr specs , th way you piggy back me , th way you look when you`re angry , th way you love me , I`ll nvr forget . Waiting under my block at 530 in th morn just t send me t sch during th holiday , I`ll rmb . I promise I`ll get back th necklace . It means alot t me . Ever since th necklace dropped , we`ve been quarrelling . I will get it back . I hope when I get it , you`ll be back . Bud like I said , I`d rather you be happy than me being happy . If you`re nvr coming back , at least I can tell myself tht I once had such a wonderful guy . Although I dhun think I`ll be able t hang in thr , bud I knw tht I will wait . I know thr`s ppl out thr laughing , laughing tht I`m a failure again . Go ahead nd laugh . I dhun bother anymre . I hope my friends would accept my decision here too . Nth can change my mind . Lastly , I love you . If I could turn time back t th 1st time we met , I would start t treasure you frm then . i`m sorry I was so selfish t you in th past . I know just a sorry cant take away all th hurt I`ve caused you , bud I`m really sorry . I know I cant turn back time . Bud like whad you said t me , you cant undo th past bud bring th past t existance . Perhaps this is retribution bahr . Idk if you`ll see this post of mine , bud yeah , I`m still posting whad I feel .

2009-12-31T16:51:00.006+08:00

I`m just here t do a short post . Pictures nd post abt whr I have gg will be updated in th next post . Have been staying hme since ytd . Dhun feel like gg anywhr . Have been looking forward t sch bud I dhun nw . I wish i could stand back up again . It`s gna be a new year in 7 hours . I thought this new year would pass when I was w you . Bud no . Just two days before , you left . I dhun really have th mood t do anything . I feel worse this time . I tried , nd you`re gone . Will you really come back ? . I miss you . Dhun do this t me please . If I didn`t love you w my heart , I wouldn`t be this way nw . Do you even knw why my attitude was like tht ? . You dhun . I miss you boy .

2009-12-28T11:59:00.005+08:00

I`m back t posting as darling asked me t update my blog a few days back . Plurk`s having some errors nd I can`t use it :( Well , nth much have been happening . Stayed over at aunty esther`s hse since 25th nd just came back ytd . Alrights . 26th dec , celebrated edemi`s birthday party w her friends . Thr was buffet , rather yummy . Aft tht , cut th cake nd went t use computer t post in my other blog . Opened presents aft edemi`s friends left nd I got a comp speaker frm daddy nd aunty esther . it`s meant t share I guess ? This year`s christmas ain`t tht exciting . Some of my friends agrees too . 27th dec HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDEMI ! Woke up rather late . Packed up , washed up , nd off t have great beef noodles fr lunch . Headed hme nd waited fr my show t start . Had tv plans since 6pm til 11pm . 6-8 , watched step up , was a nice show , impressed by th dance . 8-9.30 , watched singapore idol . 9.30-11 , watched some channel u show . 28th dec, which is today , gg out t watch alvin nd th chipmunks w sist nd maid . That`s all I have t post . Th rest of th pictures will be uploaded again .

2009-12-25T10:46:00.008+08:00

Just doing a short post as I`m rushing fr time . Firstly , Merry x'mas everyone . Secondly , I would like t wish Jocelyn HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! Ytd went out t tamp 1 t have our lunch at bakerzin , th bread thr was nice . Followed by shopping arnd tamp 1 nd then headed t th market t buy our stuffs t cook fr steamboat at night . Came hme nd prepared fr steamboat . Had our dinner at 8 plus . Arnd 9 plus , headed down t meet teckmeng nd stanley fr a short while nd back hme . Thr was a last min decision tht we`re gg t aunty serene`s hse . Cabbed down t her hse nd played w th two lovely dogs . Played cards nd I only won $4 . Soon , it was christmas nd we had wine except fr a few . Daddy allowed me t drink :) Continued w our card game nd soon we went back hme . It was definately a tiring day .

Today`s plans :

going t grandma`s house fr lunch , followed by hme nd th adults will be having mahjong here , followed by steamboat fr th kids fr dinner , aft tht will head t aunty esther`s hse t stayover .

Anyways , I`ll be gg on a holiday t phuket during th March holidays w th usual ppl . Can`t wait !

2009-12-20T09:43:00.015+08:00

We`ll it`s been quite some time since I`ve blogged . Nth much actually , shall start posting frm wednesday onwards .

Wednesday , 16/12/2009
It`s jeremy`s birthday . HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY ! Went out t celebrate 2 other belated birthdays which is Willard`s nd Lionell`s . Met brigette at tenah merah nd bus-ed t Parkway . Met up w th rest nd headed t ECP . It started t rain so we headed t th nearest shelter nd had our picnic thr . Soon , th rain stopped nd we went t play w th sand . Yongwen nd willard nvr stepped down nd play w us . Th scenery was nice . Felt so relaxed . Aft playing , me nd brigette left t our tuition centre when we were primary 6 , then bought th birthday cake , then headed t subway t keep th cake nd informed th rest t come over . Suddenly we remembered tht we needed plate nd forks , so me nd brigette rushed t cold storage t get those items . Cut th cake nd roderick left followed by willard , th rest went back t ECP t bowl . Aft bowling , DDR w brigette , it`s been a long time since I played tht . Pictures are above . Unknowingly , all of us are late fr hme , rushed hme . nd , thr was this uncle keep following us . Nt gna elaborate on tht .

Thursday , 17/12/2009

Stayed hme .

Friday , 18/12/2009

Went out w mummy , her sister-in-law , my sist nd stepbro . Went t have cafe cartel . While th rest were still eating , brought stepbro fr a walk . Aft tht , went shopping fr a while nd headed t mummy`s place . Mummy`s father-in-law damn joker cans . Saw my baby step sist thr . Damn cute . Thr were 4 babies thr . Had pizza fr dinner nd hme-ed at 10 .

Saturday , 19/12/2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AHGONG ! Hmms , really hope he`ll recover nd talk t me . Can`t hear his voice fr 2 years . Definately miss him . Went thr early t help cook some dishes . Accidentally cut my thumb .. Slept fr a while . Had stemboat nd waited fr mummy t come . Cut th cake . It was a vegetarian cake as granny`s vegetarian . Th cake sucks :\ Had my tang yuan . Was waiting fr tht ! hehe . Hme-ed aft tht .

***

Brigette : Hey girl , I hope you`ve cheered up . Dhun be so moody lerh alrights ? Th next time we`re out again , dhun wna see you lidat ! Last long w him . Dhun worry too much . Thanks fr always sharing w me yr problems nd thankq fr trusting me . Up til now , we still do share all our problems we`re facing . 4 years of knowing you , it`s great knowing you :) you`re a great sist !

Jeremy : Hey , I saw yr post :) sorry last time always pangseh you . Glad tht you didn`t put it t heart . So sorry . Hope you did enjoy yr birthday celebration . I still owe you yr present ! You guys made me feel mre relaxed ! Thanks fr always being thr fr me nd cheering me up . Yeah , 4years of knowing you , thr`ll be mre ! You`re indeed a great brother !

Willard : Up til now you`re still th quiet guy who only gives one reaction . Sigh . Hard t entertain you leh ! 学乖一点 luhs . Laughs . Hope you enjoyed yr belated birthday celebration too . Owe you present too . Dhun so shy , nd nd , must meet up th next time horh ! Thanks fr being such a great bro .

WaiKiat : Urmms , you really made me crazy last time . Looking back , I can`t stop laughing . Now tht we seldom meet up thanks t secondary sch , don`t really contact much lerh . Anyways , thanks fr being such a great brother . See you soon !

Roderick : You`re damn joker cans ! Doing so many playful things since primary sch . Always entertaining us . Meet up soon yeah ? Glad t have such a great bro like you :) take care .

Liangyu : hey , you uh , always disturb ppl ! laughs . Seldom meet up since sec 1 lerh . Still could rmb th incident whr me nd bri threw bottle at yr head . Thanks fr brightening up my days when we were in primary sch . You`re a great bro .

Lionell : Urmms , you`re still th same , all so quiet . Must talk mre luh , we all knw each other fr long lerh . Dhun keep so shy ! Meet up soon .

Reuben : Urmms , I guess I only saw you once aft we went t sec sch . Almost couldn`t recognise you . Indeed you`ve changed . Hope t see you soon .

2009-12-14T16:50:00.002+08:00

Back t blogging ! Just a short post . Wednesday`s approaching , nd I can`t wait . I just baked nd I`ve nt eaten my lunch ! Well , some things are still on my mind , I hope I could really control everything especially time . Sometimes I`m lost of whad t do . Sometimes , I feel as if I`m left w nothing . Sometimes I feel like I`ve everything w me . Whad exactly am I thinking ? I really wna know . Anyways , darling`s back frm hongkong ! Welcome back girl ! Hope you had fun ! nd I`ve received great news from her . Sch sent her a letter saying tht we`ll be in th same class next year . OMG ! I`m happy ! ai si ni nah !

***

maybe it's the things I say ,
maybe I should think before I speak
but I thought that I knew enough ,
to know myself and do what's right for me
and these walls I'm building now ,
you used to bring em' down ,
and the tears I'm crying now ,
you used to wipe away

I thought you said it was easy ,
listening to your heart
I thought you said I'd be ok ,
so why am I breaking apart

Don't wanna be torn

don't make me have to choose between
what you want , and what you think I need
cuz' I'll always be your little girl ,
but even little girls have got to dream
now it all feels like a fight ,
you were always by my side ,
and the lonely I feel now ,
you used to make it go away

I thought you said it was easy ,
listening to your heart
I thought you said I'd be ok ,
so why am I breaking apart

don't wanna be torn

why is all this so confusing ,
complicating and consuming
why did all this make me angry
I wanna go back to being happy

2009-12-12T15:16:00.002+08:00

Thr`s nth much t post actually as I`ve been staying hme , I`m just here t update as i`m using daddy`s laptop nd it`s so laggy ! Can`t even log into msn . So I`m here t update my blog since can`t do much w his lappy . Fr th past week , have been baking . I fell in love w baking ! Somehw I feel tht baking alone could be fun too . Will be baking again next week fr christmas gifts . Wonder when am I gg t shop fr my christmas clothes nd all . Can`t wait ! Recently have been planning w Brigette fr wednesday . I`m sure we`ll enjoy it ! It`s smth we`ve nvr really done tgt . Looking forward t wednesday , I`ll definately appear on tht day , so no worries ! I shall end my post here . I guess I`m off t posting in my private blog . Anyways , pictures tht will be taken on this wednesday will be posted at night when I`m hme . Stay tuned fr more of my posts :)

2009-12-09T11:10:00.008+08:00

{/edited post}

me nd cousin ! :)

new born stepsist :)
I`m blogging once again . It`s been rather long since I`ve blogged nd I shall update it again . Nth much t blog abt as I`ve been hme most of th time . I`ve got back my phone . Granny`s been nagging at me since sunday . She`s been calling everyday t just nag at me , even told my great grandmother . Good game luh . I wonder whad will happen when thr`s family gathering fr grandpa`s birthday . Hope their mouths will be shut . Laughs . I wna go out ! :(

Plans fr next week :
- Jeremy nd willard`s birthday celebration ( haven`t plan much yet )
- Baobao will be coming over on her off day t bake cookies fr christmas gifts :)
- Grandpa`s birthday celebration

Darling`s left fr HongKong lerh . I woke up a lil late nd she was gone lerh ! Omg ! Thousand apologies t darling ! I slept at 3am tht`s why couldn`t really wake up . Sent you a msg , hope you receive it . Have fun thr ! Most importantly , take care of yrself . Love you . Will write letters t you everyday til you come back as promised .

Shall end my post here :)

2009-12-04T20:12:00.004+08:00

I`ve decided t post here , coz ltr ppl say I nvr post when I keep asking them t update their blogs . Just here t do a short post . I feel tht I`ve lost myself during a period of time , I`m gg t find back myself nd stand back up again . I`ll try . Somone told me this : Just enjoy the times you have now. And not to worry about what is going to happen in the future . cause why worry about the future when you can't even see the future or you will never know what the future holds . In th past , I was too naive to think tht I can control my future nd all , bud no , I can`t nd yeah , idk whad th future holds . I hope I`ll be able t really put everything behind nd start t stand up nd be who I used t be . Thanks loved ones fr always being thr nd cheering me up when I`m down . Brigette , take care nd enjoy yrself when you`re in Malaysia yah ? Dhun worry abt me . Thanks honey nd baby fr yr post , darling , thanks fr yr encouragement all these while .

***
Here`s a song , I heard it til I cried . Idk why . * took out certain words *

It feels so different being here ,
I was so next to being next to you ,
Life for me is not the same ,
There's no one to turn to .
I don't know why I let it go too far ,
Starting over it's so hard .
Seems like everywhere I try to go ,
I keep thinking of you .

I just had a wake up call ,
Wishing that I never let you fall ,
Baby you are not blame at all .
Remember when I pushed you away ?
Baby if you knew I cared ,
You'd have never went nowhere ,
I should've been right there .

How do I breathe ,
Without you here by my side ?
How will I see ,
When your love brought me to the light ?
Where do I go ,
When your heart's where I lay my head ?
When you're not with me ,
How do I breathe ?
How do I breathe?

I'm losin' my mind .
Yes I made a mistake .
I thought that you would be mine .
Guess the joke was on me .
I miss you so bad I can't sleep .
I wish I knew where you could be .
Another dude is replacing me ,
but this can't be happening .

I can't get over you no ,
Baby I don't wanna let go .
you need to come home ,
Back to me ,
Cuz you made it hard to breathe ,
When you're not with me .

* I`ll let th past be th past nd nt let it affect me frm standing up . Although th past really hurts , I`ll still try t let it go nd be someone whom I used t be . I have t start over . I`ve been stuck here fr long . I cannot be so unfair . *

2009-12-02T12:27:00.003+08:00

* Well , I`m just here t say that I won`t be posting in this blog fr th time being . Might post in my private blog . Sorry ! Will be back t posting here when th time is right . *

2009-11-30T20:03:00.002+08:00

Firstly , it`s me nd darling`s 1 year of darling-ship today !
HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY T YOU MY DARLING !
* short post dedicated t you at th bottom of my post *
Secondly , tmrw`s my baby nd her boyfr`s one month , so :
HAPPY ADVANCED ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY T YOU !
* short post dedicated t you both at th end of my post too *
Thirdly , tmrw`s also willard`s birthday ,
HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY BOY !
* short post dedicated t you too , bud nt sure if you`ll see it :\ *
***
I`m updating my blog since I keep asking ppl t update their blog . Well , I haven`t been gg out recently , bud have more outings w family though . Times at home are boring . It`s just th computer I face frm th time I wake up til I sleep , even having meals in front of th com . Haven`t bought books fr next year . Planned fr alot of things :
- hair before christmas
- shopping w friends
- manicure
& many mre ..

Recently , I realised tht I could just all of a sudden just start cry . I dhun knw why , or maybe I do ? Everything seems t be fading away frm me . No one really understands hw I feel . It ain`t a nice feeling . Well , I shall not say too much .

***

Darling , it`s our 1 year anniversary nd I`m looking forward t th 2nd year , 3rd year nd so on .. Rmb we had many plans fr our future ? Although it`s kinda impossible now , bud , we`ll still strive fr it tgt derh yah ? We`ve been through many many things tgt . We won`t be in th same class next year bud , I`m sure I`ll friendship will still be as close inside . I`ll miss you derh . It`s been long since we`ve met too . Really hope t see you soon , nd dhun give up on this friendship lerh kays ? Almost lost you tht time . Thank god you were back . No more of such things lerh horh ! Times w you were really great . Doing so much foolish stuffs tgt w you . Yes , we`ve drifted , bud we`re still darlings aft all , nd my love fr you hasn`t changed . I`ll still be thr when you need me , nd I knw you will too . I love you darling , nd happy one year anniversary t you .

Baby nd her boyfr , hey , just 3 more hours nd it`ll be both of yr one month . Time passes by so fast . You guys last long alrights ? Hmms , not really sure whad else t say leh as it`s t th both of you . Thanks you both fr always entertaining me when I`m bored nd so on . Guess that`s all I have t say ? :\ Once again , happy advanced 1 month :)

Willard , hey bro , it`s been 4 years since we`ve known each other . Used t hang out as a clique in primary sch , nd those times were really enjoyable . All th memories will nvr be forgotten :) Although I haven`t seen you fr quite some time , as I promised , I`ll make time fr you guys derh . Anyways , 1 year older agains . Hope yr wishes come true yah ? Happy advanced birthday t you ! :)

Honey , although it ain`t our 1 month , anniversary , yr anniversary , bud I won`t forget t post fr you . Thanks fr being thr fr me . I appreciate all you`ve done . It`s been long since I`ve met you . I miss you ! :( Anyways , this is only a short post . I`ll post another one th next time I post kays ? I love you honey .

2009-11-28T18:26:00.003+08:00

Updating my blog agains . Actually nth much t post abt here , more t post abt in private blog . Cried my heart out last night . Dhun ask why coz I dhun knw why too . Okay , shall post abt tht in my private blog :) Well , went t kitty lab today w Edemi , Euki , sist , Parrey , Aunty Jaslyn , Aunty Esther nd Uncle Ren . It was much more fun than I expected . Played games thr nd I created a hello kitty of my own . Yay ! Won a badge too ! Will upload pictures when I receive them . Headed t east point aft tht nd had long john silver fr lunch . Headed hme aft that nd th adults are all playing mj now . Feel so bored now . Shall end my post here . Stay tuned fr more ..

2009-11-27T21:32:00.007+08:00

Have decided t blog again . Came back frm an outing w daddy nd sist . Had lunch at Ajisen , yummy yummy . 3 person fr $49.90 :\ Nehmind nah , seldom go out as a family nd have good food . Hehe . Aft eating , bought movie tickets nd while waiting fr th show t start , went t walk arnd at Tamp mall nd CS . Went t collect tickets fr hello kitty lab @ best denki . Went t buy sweets nd watched twilight . Daddy fell asleep nd snored while watching . Lols ! Th show was nice nd remind me abt some things . Aft show , mrt-ed t bedok . Was suppose t go bugis t shop , bud th mrt was packed . So went t bedok , had dinner , nd headed hme . Will be gg t th hello kitty lab @ expo tmrw w Edemi , Euki , sist , Parrey , Aunty Jaslyn , Aunty Esther nd daddy . I`m off t post in my private blog .

2009-11-27T10:33:00.008+08:00

Sorry fr privating my blog fr th past two days as I had some troubles changing my blogskin . Edited my songs as well . Monday nd Tuesday , attended chalet . 1st day honey wasn`t thr . Sads , bud she was on th second day :) Thr`s only one word tht I can use t describe : FUN . Although I could stay over , bud I had fun . Had talks w honey nd baby . Felt better abt something . Thanks yah ! Pierced my ear thr too . Currently 4 on left ear nd 2 on right ear . Wed nd thursday stayed hme nd be a good girl . Today will be gg out w daddy . Asked him t go t many places . Want t go shopping . Can`t wait fr christmas shopping ! I shall end my post here , will update again later or smth . Off t have my breakfast .

2009-11-21T00:47:00.004+08:00

It`s late now nd I`m currently on bed posting using th laptop . Wanted t post earlier on , bud hesitated as dhun really have much t post abt , bud now I do .

Tues , 17/11/2oo9 , Wed , 18/11/2009
Stayed at home all day I guess .

Thursday , 19/11/2009
Met up w baby early in th morning tgt w teckmeng , nd headed t mac t have our breakfast . Darling met us up thr nd soon , honey came along too :D aft breakfast , me , darling nd baby went t sch , as last min thr was some bowling activity . Only two teachers caught my hair colour nd nth happened . Safe .. Went t look fr honey nd darling left . Went t tamp mall fr piercing , nd had lunch . Soon aft , headed hme . Realised that streaming results were out , checked fr mine , nd I got all th subjects I wanted . Yay ! Got into th same class as baby . Yipeee ! Bud , darling`s nt in th same class as me , th sch purposely separate us derh norh ! Bud our subject combination all th same . Wheee ! As fr honey , I really hope that we would have th same recess times tgt yah ? Aft checking of results , baby came over , decided t bake nd it was a half success half failure . Bake a lil nd threw th rest away . Dyed hair aft that again , hair was suppose t turn into a lighter colour , bud it turned into a darker colour :( baby left aft that nd I went t bed .

Friday , 20/11/2009
Stayed home .

t my dearest girl :
Indeed we`ve known each other fr a long time . 4 years have passed in just a blink of an eye . Yes , I can rmb all those things that we`ve done tgt . Meeting at th eco gardern early in th morning nd getting chased t assembly area by liang lao shi , meeting th th toilet cubical t copy homeworks , shopping like mad during tuition breaks , pon tuition lessons , disrupting tuition lessons nd getting chased out , buying like almost everything th same , getting all drenched aft sch , spraying water at each other nd chasing ppl who sprayed water at us all th way t th other bus stop , tying th same hair style almost everyday , making ppl jealous when they try t get into our friendship , playing catching during recess time , th fall nd scar I had ( th reaction you gave ) , I could rmb it all , there are many many more , some posted in yr blog so will nt mention them again . Storybooks you wrote fr me , I still have them . You were afraid that I will get offended by yr post , get pissed or smth , bud it`s th other way , I cried . I wasn`t angry at all . You told me , dhun cry , coz if I do , you will start t cry nd th rest will start crying too . It really reminds me of th past , crying coz one of us cry . Fr me , my boyfr nd you guys are both impt t me . I knw in th past I neglected you all coz of my boyfr , I`m sorry . Yeah , no matter whad , we`re all still bro nd sist , nd fr life . We rarely have quarrels , it`s like , once in a year or maybe nt even once . Really can`t recall a time when we quarrelled . I promised you I will work hard tgt w you next year nd I`ll keep that promise . Looking forward t study w you too . I love you too sist . Although I dhun really say this t you , bud , I do love you . I`ll make time fr you .

Brigette , Jeremy , WaiKiat , Willard , JunHui , LiangYu , Reuben nd th rest who hangs out tgt . Yeah , we may do silly nd childish stuffs tgt , which ppl at our age will nvr do , playing in toys r us like small kids , having fun playing catching in shopping centre , hide nd seek too . Many others too . I`m really sorry guys fr neglecting you all . Dhun mean it . I`m really sorry . You guys are great . As written in some of yr blogs , I changed , everyone changed , bud I`ll always be th rachel whose thr fr you guys . Love yous !

2009-11-17T19:15:00.004+08:00

It hurts inside bud I`ll be strong .

* I`m someone who can be thr when you need one , bud definately nt someone fr you t vent yr anger on .

2009-11-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

Here t update my blog agains . Currently watching th channel 8`s 9pm show while posting . Went out just nw w honey , baby , kor , john nd elliott . Went t baby`s hse 1st then waited fr baby t wake up nd had our lunch thr . All plans were cancelled due t th time . So instead , me , baby , john , elliott went t CS t have our dinner @ Popeyes . Desmond met up w us thr . While honey nd kor went t kor`s hse :( Sad sad , miss honey ! Aft that , went over t clinic nearby sch as john had t take mc . Cabbed hme aft that .

I feel that you`ve alrd letten go .

* will be updating my private blog :D those invited can view !

Lastly , HAPPY THIRTEEN MONTH ANNIVERSARY t honey nd kor ! :D

2009-11-14T21:32:00.002+08:00

Thr`s nth much t post abt , so it`ll just be a short post . Today was suppose t have dinner w family , bud daddy couldn`t make it , nd it was postponed t tmrw , nd I guess it`s family day tmrw . Uncles frm holland came over t s`pore nd will be cooking delicious food . I wna eat ! Today , went fr church . It`s long since I stepped into church . Prayed nd somehw , god answered t my prayers , I think this is th 1st time ? Hmms , before church , went w sist t buy smth t eat . I saw him . Sigh . Dhun knw why I was scared ? Oh yah , in th morning , got some problems w some lil sec one kids , bud yet so guailan . Darling cant stand them too norh .

Honey :
Honey ! At least you promoted nah :) Must work hard nd join us @ sec 4 NA ok ? You can do it derh . Hope got same recess nd all next year bah . Aft sch will definately hang out w each other derh . Glad that our hatred became love in th end . Glad t have such a honey like you . We will nvr fall apart ! Our friendship is strong nd can overcome anything tgt w each other . I love yous !

Baby :
Baby ! Hmms , whad shld I write t you nerh ? Well , hope you nd john will last long alrights ? Just like our sistership , we`ll last long ! :D Lols . Got chance that we may be in th same class as our subject choice th same . In any case , our friendship would last long derh ! We`ll overcome everything tgt . I love you !

Darling :
Darling ! Not sure if you know that this month is our 1st year of darling-ship . Although our friendship isn`t that close ( I shld say ) bud it`s strong if not we wouldn`t have overcome so much . Although on th outside we aint close , bud on th inside , we`re still close yah ? Last long w alan . Hope we`ll be in th same class next year . Thanks fr everything darling . I love you !

2009-11-13T22:30:00.006+08:00

Trusting so much , bud th trust that returns can nvr be compared . I know you dhun trust me , I know you think I`m lying . If I am lying , you can go ahead nd slap me . You were th one I trusted most . I really dhun wish anything t happen t our friendship coz of this .

2009-11-13T11:31:00.002+08:00

Back t blogging again . Today sister didn`t attend sch . Omg , she`s damn noisy I tell you ! Arghs , cant stand her man ! Darling told me abt some loser person -,- I cant believe whad I`m abt t say bud , I miss sch life ! Aft sch , can go out til late . Now leh , some days have t be stuck at home . Wna find job ! Sigh . It`s so boring at home . Today , dhun think can go out too . Daddy said next week ? I WNA GO POWER SHOPPING W LOVED ONES ! Guess today`s gg t be another boring day .

Yesterday , thursday .
Met up w deardear in th morning , slacked fr a while , then I went back . Baby came t meet me , soon , honey came t meet me too . Honey was like damn hyper ? More hyper than me cans ! Dhun know why suddenly she so hyper nd cheerful . LOL . While baking , she brought th flour out t hide . Honey left early as she went t meet up w mavin . Miss her ! Folded stars nd baby folded hearts . Hand pain lerh worh . At abt 10plus , baby left , nd I headed t bed !

2009-11-12T10:35:00.004+08:00

Updating my blog again . Well , nth much t post about actually . Let me start frm Monday ?

Monday ,
Went out w honey , baby , deardear , john , kor , raymond , elliott . Slacked then went t rent CD t watch . One part , I screamed , raymond got shock coz of my scream . LOL ! Aft that , chit chatted then cabbed home , saw a frog nd it scared th shyt out of me !

Tuesday ,
Went out w daddy nd family ! Long time didn`t have such outings . 1st , went w daddy t th hospital t have his knee therapy . Aft that , went t CS t meet th rest nd had POPEYES fr lunch . Yummy ! Shopped arnd , nd daddy bought earings fr me , as well as barbell . I love you luh daddy ! :D Hehe ^^ Went t th library as th small kids wanted t , nd aft tht , cabbed hme .

Wednesday ,
Stayed @ home all day . Was a boring day ..

Honey honey ! Faster recover yah ? Will worried derh you know ? :( I love you ! Must take good care of yrself alrights ? Drink more water ! Miss you super lots . I try get out of hse tmrw alrights ? Love you !

2009-11-07T10:30:00.004+08:00

Shall post abt my results . I`ve improved alot I guess , from all ' U ' grades t some only bah :x Lol . I`m promoted ! Amazing ! Bud th stupid teacher say I advanced up -,-

English : 59/100 (5)
Chinese : 37/100 (U)
Mathematics : 45/100 (U)
Science : 24/100 (U)
Geography : 30/100 (U)
History : 28/100 (U)
Literature : 52/100 (5)
D&T : 54/100 (5)
Art : 52 (5)
CME , Music , DEP , Project work : C

Total : 381/900
Percentage : 42.3
Results : Passed
Class Position : 39/40
Level position : 88/96
Promotion status : Sec 3 N(A)
Conduct : Good
Comments : Rachel needs t learn t prioritise her time and has proper work-play balance so that she can pay attention in class . She has t continue t put in more genuine effort to improve on her weak subjects . She has t pay more attention to her attire and grooming .

Wednesday , 4 Nov
Baked w honey nd baby . It was quite some time since I saw them . Missed them ! Had lots of fun baking ! Flour were on our faces . Really enjoyed ourselves . Pictures will be posted once I get them :) Baked til arnd 11 at night .

Thursday , 5 Nov
Baby came over t my place , as we needed t collect Mavin`s birthday cake nearby my house . Went t collect nd then , while walking back , decided t try my luck nd ask daddy if I could go out . Fortunately , daddy allowed ! :D Honey soon came over t my house nd we cabbed t Mavin`s house . Slacked , played cards , had dinner nd we gave him th suprise . Aft that , cabbed home .

Friday , 6 Nov
Stayed home . Baby came over t my place nd we painted our nails , followed by doing something fr him , then all of a sudden had th urge t bake again , so we baked again . She left w John nd I continued baking . Chatted on phone . Waited fr daddy t come back , nd we talked quite alot ? Hopefully will be able t go out on Monday . gg t dye hair again tonight .

16 Nov have plans w 6A bestfr`s clique as it was th day we all graduated from Taonan . I rmb-ed , aft graduation , we were at 7eleven playing nd played block catching above th 7eleven thr , nd headed t th playground arnd PAP thr . Miss those time spent tgt . We may seem childish nd all so crazy tgt , bud we sure have lots of fun .

I LOVE YOU ! ♥

* Feelings abt relationship will not be written here anymore , will be in my private blog . Tag me w yr mail t be invited .

2009-11-06T11:02:00.002+08:00

Honey nd baby :
Thanks fr everything :)
All th support you`ve given ..
Hmms , nth can break our friendship derh .
We`ll stay strong tgt derh .
Yupyup , we`ll overcome everything tgt derh .
I love you sisters <3

darling :
Although we ain`t close as we used t be ,
bud no matter whad happens ,
I still love you as much as I used t ,
nd you`ll always be my darling .
Thanks fr everything you`ve done fr me .
Hope our friendship would improve .
I love you darling <3

2009-11-05T19:10:00.001+08:00

My trust is broken by you .

2009-11-05T10:12:00.003+08:00

Firstly ,

HAPPY BRITHDAY MAVIN`kor ! :)
May all yr wishes come true .
Cant celebrate w you all . Ps .
Last long w my HONEY !

Ytd had lots of fun baking w honey (kailing) nd baby (jocelyn) .
Lol . Cant go out , so they came over , nd we were suppose t
bake fr mavin , bud ended up baking fr another 2 persons :/
Lol . Bud overall , we had lots of fun .
Pictures will be updated when I get them in my com .
Smth great happened ytd :D Only sisters knows .

Honey honey , have a post fr you in my private blog ,
as yr things are kind of personal .

Baby , dhun worry , have a post fr you too .

I`m off t posting in my private blog alrd . Goodbyes !

2009-11-03T14:48:00.006+08:00

{ This post is specially for HER }

Firstly , I AM DOING THIS OPENLY !

Secondly , you wna go tell other ppl whadever shyt , go ahead ,
just dhun let whad you say come back t me .

Thirdly , if you said you didn`t say my name nd I`m feeling guilty ,
please , then why do ppl come t my tagboard nd yr tagboard
saying my name ?

Fourthly , private fr whad ? DO IT OPENLY LUH !
Just like whad you told me t do so yah ?

Isit that no one wants t fcuk you ,

then you get jealous ? I pity you yah ?

I had enough of yr nonsense horh !

I did`t post anything aft whad you said horh ,

nd you`re pushing it way too far now yah .

Continue doing it , nd you`ll see .

I`m not threatening you .

How would you like it if I go arnd telling

ppl things abt you ?! Well , maybe it`s fun ,

I shall try . This is called , yi ya huan ya .

2009-11-01T19:31:00.002+08:00

Bye ppl , I`m gg MIA .
Will seldom contact ppl .
Will only contact some , bud not so often .

I miss you , boy .

2009-10-28T20:58:00.004+08:00

Will just do a short post about today .
Currently chatting w jocelyn on msn while msg-ing kailing .
Basically today was planning t go t many places bud we only went t one ,
which is bugis . Aft sch , met up w jocelyn @ mac tgt w joey ,
as me nd joey ended sch a lil later as we went t a handicap centre .
In th begining was rather scared of th ppl thr , bud aft helping
nd interacting w one of them , I was no longer scared .
Played w them . In th begining I kept wanting t go back ,
bud when it`s time t go back , I felt rather sad .
Ok , so aft meeting up w jocelyn , went t mavin`s hse downstairs
t wait fr kailing t wake up . Slack slack slack , saw eliott ,
cant really recognise him in th begining nd thought I called th wrong person .
Lol ! Soon , kailing woke up nd we went t buy bubble tea , nd joey left us .
Waited fr ah xiang t come over nd we headed t bugis .
Someone was thr I guess bud we didn`t meet .
Put hair extension as jocelyn wanted t nd so , I pei-ed her .
I took th colour that I wanted t dye my hair ! :D
Eliott kept asking me , why I look so shag ? Why I look so sad ?
Lied t him saying that I`m not feeling well :/
Sorry , didn`t mean t lie . Lol ! Shall go post in my private blog alrd ..

Do you think that we even wna see you ?
We`re in th same sch , it`s normal that we bump into each other ? -,-
I`m not gg t bother abt yr comments too . Say whatever you want .
Bud have you ever thought that ppl feel th same way too ?
Omg , are you trying t say that we`re scared of you ? -,-

2009-10-27T21:57:00.001+08:00

I posted in my private blog as I have things t say abt today .

So , those invited , can go take a look :)

2009-10-26T20:53:00.002+08:00

Shall do a short post before I go t bathe .
Im updating kay ! UNLIKE SOME PPL ! Lol ,
keep making me wait fr their post :@ Lol .
Must learn frm me kay ?! Update , update , update !
Actually thr`s nth much t post abt as abt my problems ,
example those I always write in small things ,
will be posted in my private blog . Tag me t be invited .
I guess this is all I have t post 1st bah .
Pictures will be up asap .

2 hours 15 min ...

Jocelyn ,
will reply yr post in my private blog yah ? :)
So , go thr t see bah . Love yous .

Kailing ,
dhun worry , there`ll be a post fr you too in my private blog :)
Love yous .

2009-10-25T21:48:00.002+08:00

I`ve just created a private blog so that I can express myself better .
Talking abt all my problems nd feelings w/out any worries .

www.bang-yourlove.blogspot.com

tag me t be invited :D
Thanks sisters fr being thr fr me :)

2009-10-25T13:06:00.001+08:00

http://www.definately-maybe-bshop.weebly.com

Please visit ! :D

2009-10-25T09:20:00.003+08:00

Well , I`m opening my blog as someone think tht I`d go nd talk abt her
when I`m only talking abt my problems ..
Ytd went t visit grandpa at his house , he`s finally discharged :D
Looked aft Russel nd even brought him t th playground .
I had t look aft him all by myself nd my back`s all aching now :(

In th 1st place , you privated yr blog 1st .
I privated mine t say abt my problems .
Is that wrong ? Want t blog somemore ,
go ahead nah . You gave attitude when you came .
So seriously , what`s th point ?
I didn`t mind being friends aft SPBT separated ,
bud aft looking at yr post , you dhun even treat me as
a friend , so why should I ?

Oh yah ! Im not stupid neither am I dumb ,
I know you read my msg . Do you know what`s respecting
ppl`s privacy ? Nd is that called kah yr jiao wei ?
Im just stating th fact . It`s not called kah yr jiao wei .
Dhun assume Im talking abt you unless you really did it .

2009-10-23T22:29:00.008+08:00

-/ {edited post - deleted parts which I mentioned abt my problems}

Im privating my blog due t some reasons :)
Practically , it`s meant fr me t feel more comfortable typing out how I really feel .
WIll only invite certain ppl , nd thr`s only a few . Lol .
Tonned on thur at my house bud , unfortunately ,
fell asleep , one by one . Fr th 1st time , I didn`t fell asleep first .
Woke up , went fr breakfast nd slacked fr a while .
Aft that , had t rush t 832 -,- nd it was our last min decision .
Wah , dulan norh . Dhun wish t talk abt it ,
kena dua , in th end still ask us go pasir ris ?
Went t 7 eleven nd bought mash potato . Then headed home tgt w
kailing nd jocelyn . Dhun wish t talk abt things that happened aft tht .

2009-10-21T21:35:00.009+08:00

Im back hme right now .
Today`s post shall be a short one bah as Im having a splitting headache .
Feel so weak right now ! Hope I`ll recover asap .
Well , cut th story short , went fr a movie today .
Th show was : imagine that .
It was rather nice , bud only at th ending part .
Aft that , went t slack nd headed hme aft that .

I got my darling back !
Regretted letting go of our friendship .

my dear girl :
sorry that I didn`t go nd find you today .
I`ll find time fr you derh . Cheer up alrights ?
Im worried fr you ! :( Really ! nd , dhun apologise coz
you made me worried , coz it`s normal understand ?!
You know that they`re ppl who care abt you derh right ?
nd , nw must control yr temper lerh horh .
I`ll find ways fr you derh , even if it`s sacrificing alot .
Coz I knw you`d do th same . Sorry fr treating you so
bustard in th past . Im glad that you`re kind of stronger
than others :) jiayous . That`s th way , bud , cant hide anything k ?
It`s no good . Say it out , you`ll feel better .
Nw what I want , nd what I`ll focus on is you alrd .
I`ll help you in any way . We`ll get it done nd over with k ?
No matter what yr decision is / will be , I`ll support you .
I love you !

2009-10-21T06:16:00.002+08:00

Posting again nd it`s early in th morning .
Have finished preparing myself fr sch , nd I left 20 more min t leave hse .
Thr`s nth much fr me t post actually . Ytd , gt back results fr 4 subjects .
So far failed 2 out of those 4 . Most probably won`t retain !
Hopefully my mid year results won`t pull my maths down t fail bah .
Actually I was alrd prepared t retain , bud ytd , maths gave me hope .
I failed literature by 1.5 marks ! :( Shall try t beg fr marks .

my dear girl :
you know who you are .
I know that was a big blow t you . I understand how you feel .
Cant give up on yrself alrights ? Coz I haven`t given up on you .
Dhun go do foolish things yah ? I`ll be thr fr you right til th very end .
If thr`s anything , feel free t just tell me anything nd anytime .
I`ll try my best t help you de . Dhun worry :)
Cheer up alrights ? I loveee you ! <3
my lips are sealed . Jaiyous alrights ?

2009-10-19T08:07:00.006+08:00

Shall have a short post before I go out .
Will be gg t meet up w kailing ltr .
So boring at home ! Actually , Im only posting fr one reason :x
Which is t reply someone`s post I just saw .

Ask him again , what I told you nd her ,
were th truth , I lied t him .
Why cant you just ask me through msg ?
Blogging abt it t let everyone know ?

~~I might just leave thr someday .~~
Things are diff , I dhun want it t turn out this way ,
bud it did . Since you guys are alrd so close ,
perhaps I should just leave you guys alone ?

2009-10-18T18:04:00.002+08:00

Keeping my blog alive so I`m here t post ,
today`s post would be a short one as I have nth much t post abt .
Currently watching tv , msg-ing kailing while blogging .
Today went out w daddy t tamp mart ,
ate @ mac , then went t shop nd save ,
saw my sch principal thr -,- sigh , suay .
Today cant go out again . Feel so bored staying @ home .
Daddy`s out fr birthday party , he said tmrw I`ll be able t go out .
Most probably would be meeting kailing tmrw bah .
I shall end my post here bah , will update again tmrw .
Gdbyes ! :D

2009-10-17T18:20:00.002+08:00

Th only reason why I`m posting today is fr my grandpa .
I did once post abt him . I really miss him nd love him alot .
I hope he`ll live a longer life . Ahgong , must stay strong alright ?
I`ll be praying fr you every night . If this time , you`re gone ,
I really dhun know what t do . Im serious .
Nth matters as long as you`re fine . When I just found out
abt yr sickness in July , I seriously broke down .
We used t be so close , although now , Im not staying w you ,
bud I still miss you , I could call you in th past bud now ,
I cant , coz you cant even talk . I really want you t recover .
Must stay strong alright ? We still have many things t do tgt .
I promise you I`ll be a good girl . When I bring you t th hospital
during my sept holiday , seeing what they do , it really hurts my heart .
This time , it`s yr second operation . Aunty told me , you dhun have
much time . I was really sad . Im not a good grand daughter .
Take care , nd I love you .

2009-10-14T15:38:00.004+08:00

Today`s a boring day ,
stuck at home , really boring .
So , I have nth much t post abt today .
I miss you , sisters !
I knw what colour I wna dye lerh :D
Hopes that school holiday would hurry come ,
I wna work w sisters !

Today , felt very bored at home ,
suddenly thought of th letters you gave me ,
I was reading it just like 5 days ago ,
I thought of it again , searched th whole damn bloody house
fr it , bud cant find it . I must make sure I find it .
I`ve lost our pictures nd all yr sweet msg-es thanks t my phone .
Sigh , I dhun know why does that letter mean so much .
I really broke down . Will you even bother ?
Th hearts I owe you fr our 100th day ,
it`s still w me , what shld I do w it ?

2009-10-13T22:36:00.002+08:00

Shall post again today , so it would be th second time .
Was abit rush in th morning , so didn`t really manage t post much .
All I cn say I freaking love th times @ kbox .
Really really fun , especially w SPBTs . While singing some songs ,
things came t my mind . Really confused nd dhun wish t go nd
think abt it too . I really wish you could get out of my mind .
Okay , enough abt tht . Had just finish playing audi ,
went mac aft sch , met up w SPBTs , bud kailing didn`t come t sch :(
Get well yahr kailing ? :) Went t clara`s house 1st then queenie
came t my house t slack 1st , aft that , met up w them again @
jocelyn`s house nd she ordered kfc . Whoooo ! Aft that ,
left fr home tgt w queenie .

It`s like a habit of me t view yr blog everytime I on my com ,
so , I`d read it , I`ve said what I wanted t say ,
things are really weird today in class , kept wanting t call you xxxxxxx ,
nd we`re th only two girls in class , sigh , I avoid anything ,
slept til it was my turn . Felt really weird .
If you wna think tht way , then , I can`t stop yr thinking .
Take care of yrself , you need not keep th promise you made t
him t take good care of me coz I cn tell you he doesn`t bother anymore .
Dhun need t worry abt that , so yah , hope this stage of our friendship
won`t drop further . That`s all I have t say .

I really wish I had a brain wash machine ,
t get everything out from my mind .
Sigh , my phone`s spoilt , sent fr repair nd all yr msg-es ,
all those pictures taken tgt , are all gone .
Perhaps it`s a good thing ? Coz I would not shed tears that much
when I look back at all those things , bud I do still have yr gifts .
I really dhun knw what t do abt it , really wish t tear it away ,
throw it away bud smth`s always stopping me .
You`re th only one whom I gave so much , gave my everything .
I dislike taking pictures w my stead , bud I took so many tgt w you ,
tht I dhun even feel like losing them now .
Bud if I were t turn back time , I guess , I`d still do th same .
Almost every post , I`d have smth t say or pour out ,
I hope that this would be th last time bah .
I rmb-ed you told me smth : ' I believe yr heart isn`t made of stone ,
I believe one day I`ll be able t open that heart of yrs . '
This sentence was always stuck in my head since then .
I hope aft I start working , I`ll be able t forget you by then .
I really hope t make myself busy all th time ,
that I wouldn`t even have th time t think abt you .
Im still asking myself , what should I do w all th memories ?
I alrd lost yr sweet msg-es every night , pictures taken .
I bet you`d delete it bah . I bet we won`t contact again .
Say smth that cn really make me hate you can ?
Or can I even hate you ? I dhun know , I really dhun know .
You won`t come here anymore . It`ll be a miricale if you do .
It`s just an excuse when I say that Im lazy t remove you frm my friendster .
I still feature it , I still put it 1st , I`ll remove it soon .
I promise that I`ll try my very very best t forget you by th end of this month .
I shall stop here , cnt take it any more .

Im really sorry t people whom I`ve hurt , I really need time .

2009-10-13T06:33:00.003+08:00

It`s 633am now nd Im still early .
Would be meeting SPBT @ 715am , except fr Queen
as she doesn`t have school today , will only be meeting her aft oral .

Yesterday :
Ytd was an outing w SPBTs ,
met up w kailing at mavin`s house ,
aft a while , it started raining , so both of us
took umbrella t fetch Clara @ 832 .
Chit chatted w th people thr nd left t Clara`s house .
She got a new dog :D Waited fr Clara t bathe nd we left .
Was having gastric nd felt like vomiting .
Rushed t th mama shop nd grabbed smth t eat .
Headed t downtown east nd went t buy sushi @ E!hub ,
met up w Queen nd Jaz nd went t subway .
Jocelyn soon came along . Was suppose t go Escape theme park ,
bud it was close , laughs , knew it . So thought fr a while ,
went t E!hub , wanted t watch movies , bud none was nice ( I guess )
Went t arcade t play nd there were a bunch of losers ,
wanting t challenge us in th car game , took on th challenge nd
I guess we won ? Losers , plus they are guys .
Aft arcade , headed t k box . Was having lots of fun nah !
Super high man . Laughs . There was one part that we keep shouting .
Aft that , headed home .

2009-10-11T13:23:00.002+08:00

Shall start of from Friday aft sch ,
met up w queen , kailing nd jocelyn , nd we went t kailing`s house
as she had t get changed . Aft she`s done , we went t th
newly opened coffeeshop below her house , bought chicken rice
nd th queue was very long , waited til very pekcek .
Cabbed nd dropped kailing off near mavin`s house ,
nd we headed t clara`s house t fetch her , bud ,
th stupid taxi driver chased us out -,- so we took another
cab back t my house . Played nd crapped arnd nd jocelyn had t go ,
sent her t th bus stop nd met up w teckmeng , slacked fr a while
then we went back up t my house t rest 1st , aft abt 45 min ,
we went down again , he made us walk t 200 plus -,-
Aft that , wanted t go home due t some reasons , bud didn`t .
Teckmeng`s friends wanted t treat us t pizza hut , so we went .
9 plus , Queenie headed home ,
me , clara nd teckmeng cabbed down t my house there too .
Slacked til about 12 plus , then teckmeng went home nd we came back ,
called Kailing asking her if she wna come ton , t our suprise ,
she came ! :D laughs , watched movie nd it was rather boring so ,
I fell asleep :x It was about 3 am then , didn`t know what time they slept .

Saturday ,
which was th next day , I woke up , seeing them sleeping soundly ,
I decided nt t disturb them , went out t play audi , then ,
Queen called saying she was coming , waited fr her .
When she came , she went into th room , kissed kailing nd
kailing woke up . Laughs , aft a while , clara woke up too .
Bought back our lunch nd ate while watching tv .
Sent kailing t th bus stop . Came back , watch spongebob movie .
Then had t go down t pass keys t dexter nd teckmeng ,
so went down fr a short while . Continued th show .
Aft that , sent clara t take cab nd teckmeng met up w us .
Slacked til 10 plus nd we all went home .

you sacrificed our friendship fr yr relationship .
tht`s smth that I`ll never do . I guess , frm this ,
I cn tell that , you no longer bother abt our friendship nd
our friendship isn`t strong at all . These 11 months of being
darlings , is all gone yah ? I tried many many times .
You said , once bitten twice shy , how many times
have I got bitten ? Even ytd , I tried salvaging our friendship ,
bud what`s th point when only one person tries ?
I miss th darling I used t know . I really miss her alot .
This time , she may be gone forever , it`s up t you .
If you wna salvage this friendship , I will too .
If you`ve given up on our friendship , then I will learn t give up too .

That msg I sent , you didn`t reply .
I know th answer , you need not tell me ,
27042009 , will be behind me alrd .
I will try my very best t forget everything .
Find someone better , someone who cn treat you much better
than I do , dhun look back alrd . I will lead my life well ,
I will do what`s best fr me , I will try t forget no matter how
much hurt it`s going t take . I won`t keep it in my heart anymore .
You`re gone , she`s gone . Take care .

2009-10-08T21:16:00.014+08:00

Today`s post would be starting off w pictures of SPBT :

Finally got back my phone ! :D

I was freaking happy !

Went t sch fr lit paper , it was rather easy I guess ?

Hope tht I`ll be able t pass .. I alrd told myself ,

if I`m able t promote , I`ll work hard ,

nd if I retain , I guess I`ll nt go t sch nd all ?

Hmms , so hope I`ll promote bahr .

Aft sch , waited fr queenie then met jaz nd clara @ 832

then went t ' huhu ' tgt w teckmeng nd edwyn .

Decided t come over t my place today ,

nd so , queen pei-ed clara t go hme ,

suddenly , it rained heavily , cabbed over t my place ,

nd daddy ordered mc delivery fr us ,

played audi , wii nd ds lite . Had lots of fun when playing wii .

Tmrw would be my last paper .

I need a job badly as I decided t pay fr my dance fee nd ,
kup in money fr jaz nd clara`s birthday :)

planned alrd , nd looking forward t it . Would be tonning :)

Guess wht ?! I just found a job tgt w kailing ,

th pay is rather gd , nd it`s 9.30 am t 6.30 pm .
Whee ! Family problems are GONEEEE !

It`s obvious tht you`re avioding me .

I knew this would happen , I`m right abt 27.9.2009

You`ve given up . Hope your operation would turn out fine .

All th best t you . Take cares . You won`t be coming t this

blog anymore , I knw . Just faster recover :D

* will update my loves asap :D

2009-10-07T17:08:00.002+08:00

Im back t posting .
Guess things are fine at home alrd .
Currently at lan now playing audi while trying t post .
Laughs . I dhun really have much t post .
So today`s post will be a short one .
Thanks fr everyones concern nd care all these while .

we were once so close ,
bud things simply change .
You dhun bother alrd ,
why shld I keep salvaging our friendship
time aft time ? It`s up t you this time .
You`ll still be th person whose dear t me .

2009-10-05T17:45:00.002+08:00

Currently at lan as cant use com at home -,-
Okay . Just went t police station ytd . Fcuking suck luhh .
Shall nt talk about it . Thursday , exams started fr me ..
Cnt really rmb wht happen on thursday .

Friday nd Sat
Ended sch @ 1230 , headed t queen`s hse ,
tgt w kailing nd jocelyn , changed thr ,
then headed t kailing`s hse , waited fr her t get ready
then went t bedok 511 t meet jaz nd have our lunch thr .
Walked back t her hse nd watched unrest .
Aft tht studied fr a while nd left thr at abt 745 ,
pei-ed kailing t meet mavin @ 899 ,
headed t 898a t wait fr kw , he came nd we didn`t talk t each other at all .
Then headed fr hme , when I was downstairs my hse ,
didn`t feel like gg back due t some personal reasons .
So went t slack then walked t 200 plus , then frm thr walk
all th way t 800 plus then go sleep ..
Woke up , realised tht sisters were all trying t contact me .
Omg , I really messed things up this time .
Called them t tell them nd told them whr I was .
Then they came down t look fr me . Didn`t talk at 1st .
Really felt awkward . Aft tht sad things happened ,
nd shall nt mention .. Went t coffee shop t meet mavin nd john .
Then ate thr , headed t 899 nd studied abit while waiting fr kw .
Bussed t tamp mall , bought another sisters ring ,
then went t popular t purchase some things ,
then th guys went separate ways , nd so , we headed t century sq
t buy tongue studs , thr`s 3 fcuking girls thr who almost created trouble -,-
shall nt mention abt them . Cabbed t bedok inter , bought thing nd
headed t jaz`s hse t study then we celebrated mid autumn festival by
playing w candles . Was fun , bud was rather moody then due t something :(
Slacked til abt 10 plus nd queen`s mum sent me nd jaz t my aunty`s hse .
Stayed at my aunty`s hse ..

Sunday
I was awaken by my baby cous , he was like , ' eh , jiejie jiejie ! '
Then went fr lunch w them at whitesands , headed back ,
chatted on phone , then slept . Had t wake up nd go t police station -,-
Dhun wna elaborate much .

I dhun care , Im gg t find a job asap ,
I dhun care ! I really need a job man !
Given up on everything .

I just feel tht it`s no longer my hse .
I dhun feel th comfort anymore .
It was long gone .You dhun understand me ,
you dhun understand wht I want .
Nehmind , you`re really pushing it alrd .
Once I get a job , I won`t bother you nd use yr money alrd .

On 27/9/2009 , you`ve alrd given up ,
I knw tht , Im trying my very best t erase everything .
Wht you said , it`s nt true . Hope you`ll lead a better life .
I guess you`ve erased everything over this period of time alrd yahr ?
I`ll still be thr as a friend :)

Im sorry fr wht I`ve caused . Arghs .
Im really sorry . Idk wht t say ,
Im lost too . Really .

spbt ,
thankq fr everything ,
sorry t have troubled you guys when i ran away .
I knw you guys care . Thanks alot .
I appreciate it , I won`t make you all worried again .
thanks fr waking me up . Thanks fr being thr when I really needed
someone t be thr fr me . Thanks jaz fr tht hug of yrs when I cired .
It means alot . I love you spbt !

2009-09-30T21:44:00.002+08:00

Sorry fr nt updating fr quite some time
as things happened at hme , finally gt time t come nd post .
Omg , had t come hme early today as have been back really late
fr th past few days ( 9 plus ) . Daddy gt real mad . Laughs .
Felt kind of bad :x Everyday`s th same I guess ,
meeting like th spbt`s early in th morning .
Slack til 1st bell then go in sch . Gt resident took pic of us -.-
wtf . Hmms , aft sch , most of th time go bedok north blk 401 (:
Walked past somewhr near thr , nd I found it familiar ,
I knw why lerh .. Then thought abt things .. Sigh .
Friday gg finally gg out w ALL spbt fr th whole aftnoon i guess .
Shall upodate again tmrw or smth . gg sleep lerh . Gdnight !